The Ratcracker and ten other sad endings to Christmas stories

Categories: Lists

5. Polar Express derails
Excessive North Pole snow causes the train to tragically derail while passing over a gorge. Even more tragically, the story of the crash is later made into a feature film starring Tom Hanks and a bizarre CGI elf version of Steven Tyler.

4. Rudolph's nose bright, but not bright enough
Elated by his increased status in the social hierarchy, Rudolph becomes overconfident and steers Santa right into the sheer cliff-face of his untimely demise, the remains of which are later eaten by the abominable snowman. On a happier note, Hermey fulfills his dream of becoming a dentist, but his shrewish wife, career boredom and multiple mortgages lead him to a life of spiritual bankruptcy and bitter ennui.

3. Charlie Brown kills tree
Charlie Brown's ill-fated Christmas tree pick turns out to be the linchpin of his social alienation, leading to a horrifying, Carrie-like scenario involving a bucket of pig's blood and an ironically disquieting mantra.

2. George Bailey offs himself
After George Bailey wishes aloud that he were never born, Clarence shows him that scenario, to his own dismay revealing that very little has changed, other than Bailey's wife is married to someone richer and less hapless, and the money of the citizens of Bedford Falls is, in fact, right here.

passion of the christ.jpg
1. God and sinners not reconciled
Baby Jesus just ends up getting crucified.

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