The Jersey Shore Season Three premiere recap: Snooki gets duplicated

Meet Jersey's newbie, Deena.

​The gang's all here -- well, minus Angelina and plus the new and terrifying, droopy-eyed Snooki part two, Deena -- and after a stint in Miami, they're back at the actual Jersey Shore. Thank God.

The only difference since the last time around in Seaside Heights, it seems, are the whip upgrades -- the crew arrives from their Long Island and suburban Jersey homes in spanking new Caddies, Rover trucks and Beamers. Vinny may be famous and have a nice ride, but he's got no shame in the fact that in the Shore off-season, he still lives with his mom. This is also why, for the third year in a row, he still comes off like a nice guy. Even if he broke Snooki's heart last season.

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On the way to the shore, Snooki utilizes the drive to prep her BFF and "surprise" new cast member Deena (whom Sammi later painfully nicknames' "Gremlin") on the dudes -- i.e., who she's going to want to bone. You know, the important stuff. Not to worry: Snooki is still the same old furry-slipper-donning mini-diva she's always been, but this season her hair has reached new heights and her skin is orange as hell. Greasy friend-twin Deena is already drunk, priming herself for what could be the worst 24 hours of her life.

Flash to the Situation, who, when leaving his home seems to be saying goodbye to a girlfriend -- though this is unclear. Vinny and Pauly D. say goodbye to their moms, and everyone is happily on the road to be reunited. Sammi and Ronnie are still together, and are the first to arrive at the old family haunt. It's like nothing has changed -- same house, same mallard duck phone, same stereotypical Scarface poster on the wall. (It's like MTV forgot how excited people get when they see freshly constructed IKEA and tacky/trendy light fixtures.)

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Sammi and Ronnie roll up, calling dibs on the upstairs room with three beds. This fucks everything up, because no one wants to share a room with the couple's brown cloud of incessant drama. Plus, Vinny, Pauly and the Situation aren't going to be smashing any girls with Sammi present, so the bedroom choice has now become the first battle.

Brick house Jwoww (or "Whore Bag," as Sammi has deemed her) is next to arrive, with everyone else close behind. Jwoww shacks up with the Gremlin twins, Vinny and Pauly take a room, and the Situation is left to bunk with the most miserable couple in the history of MTV since Justin Bobby and Audrina. Or anyone who has ever hooked up on the 86 seasons of The Real World.