The Avalanche get their own superhero -- what about Colorado's other teams?

Categories: Sports

The Avalanche.jpeg
The NHL has commissioned Spiderman creator and general comic book legend Stan Lee to create a superhero squad based on every team in the league. They've been rolling them out for a while now, and the Avs got their hero over the weekend. He's there on the right. His powers include freezing things on command and inducing avalanches ("provided of course that conditions allow for it"). He's got some wild west in him as a nod to Denver's past -- just one indication of the high-quality digging done by the NHL's creative team in making sure the superheros represented their teams and cities properly. But seriously, how hard could this be? Below, our concepts for superheros based on Colorado's other major pro sports franchises.

The Nugget
He'd be an old prospector type dude carrying a pickaxe except he'd be made entire out of gold. And he'd have baby blue hair and handlebar moustache.

Characteristics:
- Perpetually searching for the next big gold rush in a larger market
- Inhuman scrappiness born of constant ridiculing from his peers that he's too short and his tattoos look ridiculous
- Nearly invincible at home in the mountains
- Never lives up to his potential

SL_Mustang2_0.jpg
The Bronco
He'd look exactly like the "Mustang" statue out by DIA, right down to the 32-foot height and the glowing eyes. He'd also have the old-school Broncos "D" logo tattooed on his chest.

Characteristics:
- The ability to let opponents pass right through him on their way to scoring touchdowns
- Shapeshifting of all key parts, so that he's totally unrecognizable to friend and foe alike every two years or so
- The newly-developed power to summon the Holy Spirit
- Can run forever without tiring, even when he gets injured

The Rocky
A hulk-like rock creature, colored purple and with black eyes. Also, he'd have a Todd Helton playoff beard at all times.

Characteristics:
- Extremely loyal
- Able to jump hundreds of feet at a time through the thin air in Colorado
- Prone to comebacks
- Still youthful and known to have a weakness for being a bro

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4 comments
guest
guest

This is Stan-Lee! I think the hero is rad.

TRUEHockeyFan
TRUEHockeyFan

I guess I should learn how to spell TRUE, aye?

TureHockeyFan
TureHockeyFan

Just exactly WHO is the NHL trying to attract with this crap? The game of hockey is the purest and most exciting sport out there and certainly doesn't need these lame-ass idiotic superhero figures to promote it to ture fans. Somebody needs to tie Bettman to a net, without pads, and fire a few pucks at him.

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