Suck on this: Shanna Katz offers up "blow job basics" at Fascinations tonight

Shanna Katz, getting prepared.

​Slobbing the knob. Gumming the root. Swallowing the sword. Playing the skin flute. Sucking "the dick."

These are all things you could be learning to do tonight when Shanna Katz, a professional and certified sexuality educator, presents Suck on This! Adventures in Fellatio at Fascinations in Boulder. You might also learn how to give a hummer, head or a whistler, or better understand how to cop a stem, take a trip south or stuff your face with "groin steak." Give it the old "French Lewinsky," if you know what we mean.

At any rate, if you opt to learn how to be a better fellator or fellatrix this evening, you'll be learning from somebody with qualifications. "I have a masters of Education in human sexuality education," says Katz. "I teach people how to feel better about sex, about relationships and how to have a better sex life, how to communicate better." That last part might be difficult to do with your mouth full, but in this evening's workshop, it's not really the point.

Best pot we've ever seen.

​Which is not to say that Fascinations doesn't care about it. In fact, Adventures in Fellatio is just one in the "Let's Talk Sex" series of workshops that Fascinations does twice a month at rotating stores (with occasional guest instructors) -- for example, the last workshop the sex-shop held, "Kinks 101" was held at the store in Arvada; the topics of the classes can range from Tantra for Beginners to Evolving the Orgasm. Still, Katz acknowledges that the classes on sex acts people can visualize tend to get more traffic: "You know, classes about communication between partners, people just don't know what they're going to get out of it. Whereas a class on anal, people pretty much know what they're going to learn," she speculates, noting that her classes on anal sex (called "What's up with the Butt," by the way) and cunnilingus both drew around 85 people. This one, too, is exactly what it sounds like: "blow job basics," she says.

But whatever the topic of the class, Katz says her most important concern is that she wants people to feel comfortable. "People can be as involved as they want. Some people will come and sit in the front and have their hand raised the whole time, others will just sit in the back and listen. Either one is completely valid." She also encourages people to bring their partners, spouses, relatives -- whoever they want, or they can come alone if they're more comfortable with that, she says. Just don't get inappropriately comfortable.

"There will be no nudity or hands-on demonstrations," she says.

Adventures in Fellatio starts tonight at 7 p.m. at Fascinations in Boulder, 2560 28th Street, and is free to attend; there will also be free food -- Katz didn't explicitly say there were going to be beanie weenies, but we're not going to rule it out. Plus, the first 20 attendees get a free $10 gift card and there will be a free raffle. Hey now!

Katz recommends you get there early, as this one's likely to fill up like a... we're just going to stop right there.