The ten most glorious and iconic mustaches of all time

Categories: Lists

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All hail.
Since it's a well known scientific fact that the mustache is the best and most manly form of facial hair, let's start with a definition: A mustache consists of hair grown in some form above the mouth -- but not below it; i.e., if you have hair on your chin, you do not have a mustache. It's important to note this distinction, because, although esteemed organizations like the American Mustache Institute will acknowledge that facial hair is general is awesome, they also caution that some shaving is necessary for maximum awesomeness potential to be reached. So in honor of Saturday evening's Mustache Festival at the Vesta Dipping Grill, shave that chin (the goatee is the mullet of the new millennium) and follow in the footsteps of these heroic men.

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Tom Selleck: In many ways, the mustache of Tom Selleck really provides the template of what a great mustache can be: Full, lustrous and expertly groomed, it's simple, yet elegant, and when we say "elegant," we mean "badass."

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Charles Bronson: Let's just acknowledge up front that Charles Bronson's mustache isn't even that good -- it's wispy and kind of thin -- but also note that, having said that, we now plan to run far away and never return, because Charles Bronson will hunt us down and straight murder us. Few men in history have been manlier than Charles Bronson, and it speaks to the mustache's great legacy that, though he struggled with it, he saw fit to wear one -- and he just wouldn't be the same without it.

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Burt Reynolds: Though mustaches are often associated with greatness -- and it's certain that The Bandit is a great man -- nobody ever did more to associate it with sexiness than Burt Reynolds, the most delectable tidbit of man-steak the world has ever seen, and one of the few men to ever defeat a bear in a bout of fisticuffs and then sexually dominate it.

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Scott McInnis: Here, it's not so much the legacy of the man that counts as the legacy of the mustache. In his earlier career as a lawyer and U.S. congressman, Scott McInnis's mustache seemingly gave him the power, like Samson's hair legendarily gave him, to achieve anything -- and so it seemed like an omen when he shaved it off in advance of his gubernatorial run this fall. Indeed, the run was disastrous, proving that if you betray the mustache, the mustache will betray you.

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William Howard Taft: There were several presidents in this great nation's illustrious history to rock mustaches, but the mustache of William Howard Taft was perhaps the greatest. And so it's no coincidence that Taft would turn out to be perhaps the greatest man, going on to become the only president in U.S. history to also serve as chief justice on the U.S. supreme court, which he did until the end of his life. Legacies don't get too much more distinguished than that.


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10 comments
Aaron Perlut
Aaron Perlut

As chairman of said American Mustache Institute, I can say this is a fine list you have culled together. Fine work.

Carry on.

Dr. Aaron PerlutChairmanAmerican Mustache Institute877-STACHE-1

Sosfrojd
Sosfrojd

Frank Zappa and Rod McKernan. Shut me up.

Sosfrojd
Sosfrojd

I offer you Charlie Chaplin, David Niven and David Crosby.

Sosfrojd
Sosfrojd

Sorry Dude: I find it difficult to call anything about Adolph Hitler "iconic."

Brian
Brian

one stache is missing

Show and Tell Moderator
Show and Tell Moderator

John Oates. Ted Nugent. Borat. Every one of the Village People. The list goes on, my friend, and it their own way, aren't all mustaches great?

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