The Super Bowl commercials: Denver edition
The commercials of the Super Bowl are one of the biggest draws to the game for some people. Viewers love to see the somewhat witty, incredibly overproduced and expensive miniature films announcing that Volkswagen is the best, Detroit is better than where you are and Fox is the greatest station of all time. Thankfully there is always a little slot set aside for local commercials, which is what we're going to check out here.
First and foremost, let's start this off with a big old "what the hell?" There were three, yes, three local commercials, and two of those don't entirely count because they was for the network the Super Bowl was on. While the major players in the business were busy exploding shit and exploiting gender stereotypes, Jake Jabbs was sitting on his ass somewhere and not filming. What, you couldn't muster the strength to throw together an ad with some tigers running and shit? Where was Dealin' Doug and his stupid Superman costume? We could have used him while Pepsi was feeding us lines about men wanting sex and woman wanting relationships. Instead, we got an ad for a product we've never heard of and two Super Bowl-themed spots with our two favorite idiot-newcasters.
Wait, what the hell are Colorado Potatoes? Out of the thousands of local entrepreneurs that could have peddled their goods during the Super Bowl, we get Colorado Potatoes? That's weird enough on its own, but then we have Rachael Flatt, a figure skater who lives in Colorado Springs, telling us how great these potatoes are. Have the Colorado Potatoes people never seen a Super Bowl? Fans don't want cute little teenager talking about health issues, they want cute little teenagers pretending to bone personal trainers. They want babes driving cars like badasses then turning out to be teachers -- because that's women's work. We're not even going to come up with a number on the bad-slogan scale for the closer -- "every workout's a dud if it doesn't have a spud" -- because it's just too damn easy.
Have you ever seen Libby Weaver out in public? Like shopping in sweat pants at Target? It's a really strange sight to behold, mostly because, uh, nevermind. Let's talk about the commercial. This one is a pretty straight up boring Super Bowl tie-in spot. Like we in the audience have got some reason to be proud that Fox News exists or something. What the fuck do we care if some hack in a referee costume declares Fox the best news at 9 o'clock? The line that really matters here though -- the kicker, the real fist-pumper -- is "Yeah, we take news this seriously." As seriously as what, Fox 31? As seriously as a shitty joke commercial? By your definition, we take the news seriously over here on Show and Tell too. But wait for it... that's not all. They come back for another one.
Yep, they come back with an even jokier joke and still end with the line, "Yeah, we take news this seriously." We're still a little unsure where they're heading with this one. Are they taking it as seriously as football? As seriously as a refried bad joke? What is it? We're going to venture a guess they'll be adding referees to their regular programming lineup to help cut off stories about actual news before they get too long, so they can spend an extended time talking about the weather by walking outside their building on Speer and pretending like they're in the middle of the storm just like the poor viewers were. Or they'll just make sure to send the minority reporter out the side of the icy highway. It just depends on the ratings that week.
That's it. That's all we got. There was a Pepsi Max commercial that looked like it was filmed on a cell-phone that tricked us in the middle of the game, as well as a fake car commercial that turned out to be a Transformers 3 commercial, which is the second time Michael Bay has rick-rolled us with a Dark of the Moon, and it had better be the last.