Charlie Sheen is hiring a social media intern, and we're throwing our hat in the ring

Winning.

​Charlie Sheen has a lot going on right now; giving interviews to anyone with a camera and microphone, getting fired, battling for custody of his kids, going bat-shit crazy and winning, duh. But he's not too busy to capitalize on his social media prowess.

Sheen recently set the Guinness World Record for fastest person to a million followers on Twitter, and he's looking to build on that. On Monday, he posted an ad for a social media intern for TeamSheen. The position will "allow a hard-working, self-motivated, creative, resourceful and social media-savvy individual to work closely with Charlie Sheen in leveraging his social network."

Applicants have seventy-five characters to explain why they're winning. We got a tiger blood transfusion at age two, so here are some of our seventy-five character pitches:

Combo tiger, lion, shark blood. Un-addicted self from heroin mid-binge.

What says winning more than my seventh grade badminton trophy?

I only buy blow-up dolls of the 'goddess' variety.

I'm on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen; mixed with tiger blood of course.

First job out of college was as a "total bitchin' rock star from Mars."

Built huge Twitter following by quoting a tv star who is publicly going nuts.

Graduated at top of class. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.

With the crazy you're spewing I can't screw this up.

Will work for seven-gram rocks because that's how I roll.