Who is the Antichrist? Jesus-blowjob-smasher-lady may have the answer

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Not that it comes as much of a surprise when it comes to the woman so possessed with Christ-loving zeal that she walked into a Loveland art museum and smashed a work of art with a crowbar, but Kathleen Folden is crazy -- and in the way typical of evangelical fanatics, she's crazy in an "obsessed-with-the-second-coming" way. That much is clear from her website, examined by Michael Roberts in our Latest Word blog yesterday, which boasts lengthy, tenuously coherent treatises on a variety of topics, including her personal account of what she calls the Loveland Museum Art Incident like it was a GNR covers album. The overarching theme, though, is an apocalyptic theory with more contradictions in it than the Bible.

"There can be no doubt we are living in end times," Folden asserts in the first sentence on the home page. "The intention of this site is to be a starting resource for people to learn a quick, easy overview." Meanwhile, a creepy avatar that follows your cursor with its eyes pops up on the left and has this to say in its weird robot voice: "What makes you think there's going to be an election in 2012? False prophets don't just go quietly into the sunset. President Obama is not ineffective, he is deliberately watching over us for harm, not good. It's time to believe the bible. He seems harmless at first but isn't. See What in Heaven is Going On Part 6 and Part 9."

And when a creepy avatar like that tells us to do something, it doesn't have to tell us twice. (Seriously, creepy avatar, stop telling us twice.) It's also a good thing we did, because while the avatar would have led us to believe that Obama is the Antichrist, Part 9 lets us know that isn't the case: "President Obama is NOT the Antichrist because he is not an Assyrian," we're informed.

But that's not to say that Obama is any gem, either.

In the last election, America sold herself out for the promised price of a house and a car. Too many Americans chose based on lies they wanted to hear. Their choice was something other than what Dr. Martin Luther King wanted for his people. President Obama was not chosen based on the content of his character.

I know, right? I'm pretty sure Martin Luther King wanted something for his people, and I'm not quite sure what it was, but it definitely wasn't Obama. And where's that house and car I was allegedly promised? If that wasn't enough, now probably the military's going to turn all its soldiers gay like the Trojans did.

Homosexualizing the Military with the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell will weaken our military, be divisive and focus society's attention away from other administration activities.

Study the end of the Trojans to learn about this effect. At first they placed each young soldier with an older one. The lifestyle spread and soon the population started to decrease. They tried to shave the heads of young women and send them in to the men at night to increase conception. (The women were beautiful. Helen of Troy was a legendary beauty). Troy was not defeated through military battle, but decay from within.

Silencing Military Chaplains from praying in Jesus name silences opposition to this plan.

Hmm.

Part 6 gets us a little closer to who the Antichrist is by reaffirming that he will be Assyrian, discussing at some length how he will have a computer chip implanted in his head and offering these pictures of adorable goats:

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But it still doesn't quite clue us in on his identity. For that, we had to go to the section helpfully entitled Who Might The Antichrist Be? There, we find out a few facts. For example, he's

  • "The man who is a 'former' follower of Malthus, or a Malthusian, who believes in controlling the population to save the world from 'useless eaters'".
  • "A man who started out small in size and was bullied at school."
  • "The man who owns and controls the world's computer systems."
  • "The man who stands behind Glen Beck in some manner and is frequently mentioned by Glen Beck. (Possibly George Soros is becoming too much of a power threat, or possible interference?)"
  • Who could it be? The creepy avatar (since returned) instructed us to click the large blue question mark at the bottom of the page. And... drum-roll...


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