Tonight: In honor of Fat Tuesday, flash your tits to get into, uh, a titty bar

Like worthless manna from heaven.

​Ah, Fat Tuesday, the day when cheap plastic beads are somehow transformed into a currency for getting drunk girls to show you their tits. It's like the frat-bro version of Cinderella, except the fairy godmother is the dollar store, and at midnight you just piss your pants and fall asleep in someone's back yard. For said drunk girls, though, the deal just got better, because tonight, crappy beads are not the only thing you can get for showing your boobs. You can also get free admission into a place where you can see a lot of other boobs!

Setting aside the irony of this promotion for a moment, it's always interesting to see how religious holidays get turned in practice into the opposite of their intention -- like how Christmas is supposed to be about love and giving but is in fact about rampant materialism and greed. In the case of Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday is, of course, the day before Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of Lent, when, for the forty days before Easter, those of some Christian persuasions observe a period of austere self-denial. Fat Tuesday is ostensibly the day to live it up before the clampdown. We have our doubts, though, that many people at the Diamond Cabaret this evening will be turning up in confession tomorrow. But we could be wrong.

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Then again, who are we to judge? Our Mardi Gras will most likely involve eating a box of doughnuts and weeping until they kick us out of Krispy Kreme.

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