A very special Easter message from the Prophet Elijah

Stop lying to our children.

​It's April, and Easter will be here before you know it -- which means it's time for the Prophet Elijah to weigh in. One of our perennial tip-line favorites, the prophet calls us with impressive regularity to tell us his thoughts on a variety of subjects, including world powers, nuclear suitcase bombs, current events and whatever holidays happen to be in proximity (especially if they have to do with scripture), all of which messages are dutifully transcribed by our infinitely patient editorial assistant, Amber Taufen. The estimable prophet called yesterday and left a series of messages, as he often does. In this one, he informs us that bunnies do not, in fact, lay eggs.

Via our general mailbox:

There is in no righteousness of Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny, and actually neither one of them exist; let's be honest, Westword magazine, and stop lying to our children. There is no Santa Clause that leaves the North Pole and lands on a chimney, and then delivers presents and things like that. And it don't make sense, anyways -- reindeers that don't have wings and things, and then a Easter Bunny that lays eggs. Rabbits don't even lay eggs. I will be honest with you about it, Westword magazine: I used to think rabbits actually laid eggs, but they don't. They have babies, like other animals and things.

Thanks, Prophet Elijah -- you know your honesty is always appreciated.

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