Cloud Girlfriend promises fake girlfriend, does not deliver

Categories: The Internetz

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These girlfriends will make you even sadder than no girlfriend!
Sick of your friends tormenting you about not having a girlfriend? The new start-up Cloud Girlfriend was created to solve all of your problems by creating a virtual lady to interact with you on Facebook. At least, that's what the site initially promised before its launch. Here's how it's supposed to work according to the website: "Step 1: Define your perfect girlfriend. Step 2: We bring her into existence. Step 3: Connect and interact with her publicly on your favorite social network. Step 4: Enjoy a public long distance relationship with your perfect girl." We created an account on the bizarre site to see what it's all about, but what we found is a lot different than what was initially advertised.

Now, it seems, Cloud Girlfriend does not create your perfect female, but instead lets you create a fantasy version of yourself to interact with other people's fantasy versions of themselves. This vague video explains how it works, inviting you to "Feel free to be creative. Remember, you're creating the ultimate you." That means to lie, right?

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When you first sign up for the site, it asks you to choose a fake photo for yourself from a series of amateur modeling shots and then answer questions like "Lady Gaga or Lady Di" and "Apple Pie or Apple Computer." From there you write in a fantasy bio, what you're looking for in an imaginary mate, adopt a pseudonym and you're ready to go search for a date. The kind of lovely ladies that are available include:

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Fried Mashed Potato, a girl who says "Obvi, I'm hott. Look at my scarf."

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Tattersail Paran, a busty lady who thinks that "The future looks pretty ok!"

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Anna Hester, who keeps her bio simple and to the point: "sex."

Keep in mind that all of these photos are fake, stock photos. There's no way to actually upload a real picture of yourself. We requested dates with a few of these imaginary ladies, but didn't hear back. We did however get a date request from a lady named Danny Guzman. Dates, apparently, just mean getting and receiving email in the Cloud Girlfriend world.

This imaginary dating seems a far cry from the ideal girlfriend initially promised by the site. Instead of a girl to write loving messages on our Facebook wall so all our friends will think we're cool, all we got was a date request from a girl named Danny.

In a statement to the press, Cloud Girlfriend CEO David Fuhriman explains the usefulness of the site:

"Like the saying goes, 'Practice makes perfect.' The site can help people come together and practice managing a real relationship -- and then take it into the real world."

So he's essentially saying that by creating a fake internet profile and interacting with other people who've created fake internet profiles, you can eventually have a real-world relationship. Maybe this will work for some people, but we're skeptical. Especially because of the sad comments on Cloud Girlfriend's Facebook fan page. One man laments "All the people who write here are men. There are no women in Cloud Girlfriend. I am sure of it." Another sums it up with the very telling statement: "I do not have any girlfriend."

Still, Cloud Girlfriend has been around for less than a month, so it's possible that the site will someday deliver on its promises. But for now, here's our advice: find a real girlfriend.

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