Our Commercial Culture: Dodge gets trans-historical

This ain't your baroness's Dodge Charger

​What do violin music, blacksmiths, preserving a family name and claims of undying love all have in common? They're all things of the past; all things culture has decided we can happily live without. But the Dodge Charger is a thing outside of time; a constant beacon of badass in a world that all too often loses touch with its roots. The Charger is our rock as we drift aimlessly into an unknown future.

In this scene, Dodge recalls its long history as a staple in British literature's go-to narrative arc of lovers disobeying the social constructs of their parents. One that is rich with tales of valor and woe, back when the West was still wild and virginity was still a woman's ticket to the bank.

Okay, so some of the historical facts have been smudged a bit in this trans-historical re-imagining, but picture this: Star-crossed lovers just can't catch a break in this world outside of time. That boy may have a classic Charger, and we all know that's incredibly sexy, but he's a dirty blacksmith's apprentice, and he's got no breeding, so there will be none of that in the royal family, his powerful carriage notwithstanding (wink). The old working-man's Charger may be badass enough to win the heart of the king's daughter, and that scruffy sonofabitch may be strong enough to punch through a windshield with his bare hands, but that's not quite badass enough to impress the queen. Rightly so, because she drives the new and improved Charger that has as much power and speed, but is just a whole hell of a lot classier than the old one.

In the end, young Cornelius fails to prove himself worthy, and the fair maiden turns ill with hysterics. Woebegone Cornelius is left for dead in the sweltering desert, but happens upon his abandoned Charger and precipitously alights to the nearest brothel where he drowns his sorrows in liquor and prostitutes. Coming to her senses weeks later, our fair maiden believes the forged letters her mother gave her and assumes Cornelius's demise. Later conceding she was not prepared to live the life of a blacksmith's wife anyway, she takes the hand of a genteel duke who drives a mid-90s Mustang. Burn!

Follow us on Twitter!