Monte Carlo is this week's most ridiculous trailer

​Mo money mo problems, the Notorious B.I.G. posthumously noted back in the late '90s -- and for him, it was certainly true: By the time he said it, he was, after all, dead. Another way of putting that is that money can't buy happiness -- in fact, it probably does the opposite -- and that's pretty disappointing, because it would be awesome if something as simple and easy to hustle as money could spare you the grief of the holding onto it and wanting more of it and just make you feel good all the time. Luckily, this is America, and when we find out something we don't like, we just ignore it until it goes away -- and if you wish hard enough, you can even take that denial all the way to the perfect French vacation! At least, in the movies you can.

In the beginning of Monte Carlo, we find Selena Gomez living a comfortably upper-middle-class existence, which is to say, in the world of Hollywood, poor. And because she is poor, she has to slave away in an adorable restaurant where the patrons are polite and when her parents send her on a vacation to France she has to stay in a shitty hotel where the sockets don't even work right. OMG! The injustice! It is hard to be poor, and therefore Selena Gomez is unhappy.

Luckily, it's not long before Selena Gomez stumbles into an unlikely Prince and the Pauper-ish scenario in which she is transported into a world of immediate entitlement and astonishing largesse! In this world, Selena Gomez and her friends fly in private jets to resort communities, have many pairs of shoes and dress like pretty princesses, thus receiving the "vacation we deserve." Therefore, Selena Gomez is happy. And even though the man who likes her for who she is and not the vast amount of money she seemingly possesses does not know who she really is and that she does not have vast amounts of money, he doesn't like her for that anyway and so it will not be a problem. Everyone will learn life-lessons about the incredible power of money, and then they will be happy.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to find my fabulously wealthy body-double.