Other athletes would dwarf Chad's roommate demands
NFL fans know Chad Ochocinco as a loudmouth. Even back when he had a real last name, 85 constantly chattered with officials, made signs asking not to be fined, tweeted constantly and sought out the spotlight in 1,001 ways.
What's that, Chad? You want our attention? What a shock...
Call him a clever entertainer or an attention-starved kid; Ochocinco knows how to take media attention to the next level. His latest ploy is deciding to move in with a fan in his new hometown, Boston, for the first few weeks of the season.
Naturally, Patriots fans are clamoring for a chance to live with the team's new receiver. But Chad says there are only a few requirements for his future roommates: They need to have an Xbox and an Internet connection. These are the necessities for Chad Ochocinco. Not a rowing machine or treadmill, not a quiet room he can study the playbook in. Chad's gotta have his Call of Duty multiplayer online.
You have to respect his honesty, at least. It reveals a lot about a person's character what they need to have in their homes, and it's a simpler list than what many other athletes would demand of their roommates. Actually, we have no idea what they would demand, since only Chad Ochocinco is looking for a roommate, but we're confident enough to venture a few guesses:
San Antonio Spurs center Tim Duncan: A separate room for his pet Savannah monitor lizard Reginald and absolute silence.
N.Y. Rangers forward Sean Avery: A wine cellar and a roommate who wears 34/32 pants. "I need some pants," Avery says.
San Diego Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers: A roommate who will stop all the unfairness in the world.
Rivers again confronts the cruel nature of life itself, and also every call the ref makes.
L.A. Lakers forward Ron Artest: An Internet connection and an Xbox. Because he desperately wants to be basketball's Chad Ochocinco.
Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow: For roommates to call him "The Starter," and walking distance to the Denver Art Museum "to get me some culture."
San Francisco Giants closer Brian Wilson: A sturdy comb.
"Hope you don't mind if you never see the comb again," Wilson added.
Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning: A readily available audience who will watch him practice that disgusting commercial where he licks Oreos because everybody wants to see that, right?
Rockies first baseman Todd Helton: Someone to explain what BABIP, PECOTA, VORP and all them other wacky words mean, and a tractor.
Cleveland Browns running back Peyton Hillis: Space for his extensive library and his laboratory for his favorite hobby, amateur archaeology and paleontology.
Miami Heat forward LeBron James: A friend.
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