The 10 best David Sedaris quotes from last night's lecture, presented free of context

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David Sedaris is a tiny man with a huge life. Truly, the man is pretty darn small, and though his voice sounds like that of a timid librarian, it packs a biting combination of charm and painful humor that's strong enough to ring through even the spaciousness of the Paramount.

Last night's lecture by the frequent New Yorker and NPR contributor found him reading from previously published nonfiction and his equally hilarious diary with a pace that paused just for laughter -- and then only to prevent some sort of rupture. In honor of his wry and refined sense of humor, Show and Tell collected ten of his funniest lines. (If it's even possible, they might be funnier without their original context -- or at least weirder.)

The ten best David Sedaris quotes from his night at the Paramount:

10. "In my experience, a straight guy will shit anywhere."

9. "This woman wanted me to write 'Explore your possibilities' in her daughter's book, but that's just not anything I'd ever say. I told her I would keep the word 'explore,' and I wrote, 'Let's explore diabetes with owls.'"

8. "I'm starting to think it's a Greek thing: sitting around in your underpants. They're just so oppressive, and you want to be free of them ... Someone else once told me their dad does the same thing, but he uses his children's old underwear because there's still some wear left in it."

7. "You look back at things like being pinned by the neck. Even when I was hanging there, I thought, 'I can write about this later.'"

6. Courtesy of a faux uber-conservative stance: "If I were president, I would turn the tables and allow the fetus to abort its mother."

The top five are on the next page.

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David Sedaris is brilliant.

Amanda Kay Canupp
Amanda Kay Canupp

David Sedaris and I actually did talk about shitting in your hand. I told him about the raft you have to make to hide the poo. This was back when he was in Orlando on October 30th. But he was amazing!


These are hilarious, the only issue I had wad that 'kimodo' was misspelled. The correct spelling is Komodo. 


note that while brilliant choices.....not completely free of context..... 

Kelsey W.
Kelsey W.

Fixed, thanks for pointing it out!

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