The 10 best David Sedaris quotes from last night's lecture, presented free of context

5. "In my day, our parents put us to bed with two simple words: 'Shut up.'"

4. "She told me she owns two Komodo dragons."

3. "You don't ever want to hear 'pray' from a flight attendant."

2. On the house that he and boyfriend Hugh Hamrick would have loved to purchase in England: "Hugh got online and found a house called Faggot Stacks, and it was located between the villages of Balls Cross and Titty Hill."

1. "I told her I was conducting a little poll, and I asked, 'Have you ever shit in your hand?'"

For more Sedaris-like quotes, see the entries in our recentDavid Sedaris ticket contest.
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