The 50 worst sports movies of all time
34. Caddy Shack II
Because everybody knows the best part of the original Caddyshack was the idea of some people hanging out on a golf course. Anybody could write it! Anybody could do it! But you know what we're missing -- the gopher needs to be able to talk! And that's what happened, eight years after the original.
33. Glory Road
This movie was better when it was called Remember the Titans and had Academy Award winner Denzel Washington. Mirror-universe-Matthew-McConaughey and co-lead of Sweet Home Alabama Josh Lucas is no Denzel.
George Clooney attempts to jock the Coen brothers style, but can't no one jock their style, so the movie is really all over the place and overly long. Taking his cue from the popular acting warm up "Lemon face, lion face," he cast Renee Zellweger as his citrus-faced love interest and John Krasinski, who looks like the Cowardly Lion, as his romantic rival. Somehow Clooney still glides through without any of the shit sticking in his teeth, but it kinda makes you hate the movie more.
Fuck your Internet meme, Chuck Norris is a hateful hick and an awful actor. He is no fucking Mr. Miyagi. He's the guys on the beach in the Karate Kid that put beer bottles on Mr. Miyagi's truck and get all scared when he karate chops them in half.
30. MVP: Most Valuable Primate
This is literally the exact same movie as Air Bud. That is not a positive. At least chimps actually have hands. The idea of a chimp being trained to use a stick in a violent sport becomes really dark in this post-lady-with-face-eaten-by-pet-chimp era.
29. Never Back Down
The perfect movie for any teenage boy who's ever truly loved MMA. In other words, fucking horrible to every intelligent grown-up who has ever lived.
28. Slap Shot 2: Breaking the Ice
Who asked for this? I don't mean a Slap Shot sequel, that could've been awesome, especially if Paul Newman had done it when he was like 82. I mean a direct-to-video Slap Shot sequel starring Stephen Baldwin and Gary Busey.
27. Stick It
A bunch of gymnasts rebel against the rules and archaic point system handed down by the judges. In other words, they love the sport of gymnastics so much, they attempt to destroy it. As though a bunch of baseball players loved the sport so much, they decided to stop listening to the umpires and doing their own thing, because baseball is stupid.
26. Air Bud: Golden Receiver
He's a dog. He has no hands. He has no knees. How do we determine he has possession? When is he down? Who wants to tackle a dog? This movie is so awful it KILLED the actual, original Air Bud.
25. On a Clear Day
A 98-year-old man attempts to swim across the English Channel and it's supposed to be inspiring. My dad is 122, has smoked for 120 of those years, and could easily swim the English Channel. Know why? He's a goddamn American, that's why.
24. 8 Seconds
Was there anyone besides 14-year-old girls who actually liked Luke Perry in 1994? So how can this movie ask me to care when he's gored to death by an awesome bull named Takin' Care of Business?
Two brothers ride dirt bikes and compete to be the champion in the sport of dirt bikes. Powerman 5000 features heavily on the soundtrack. The female co-leads are best known for their work in Maxim (not on the cover). Aaron Carter is in this movie. It was so cheap and shitty, the actors playing the leads had to learn to ride dirt bikes and qualify for the real-life Supercross championship so that they could film the movie during the real-life competition. Does that means the actors were really good at Supercross, or that it's really easy to be good at Supercross? Does it fucking matter?
In case She's the Man wasn't dumb or offensive enough for you, this features (poor, poor) Jonathan Brandis saving a girl's soccer team by dressing up like a girl. Because everyone knows having one good boy on your girl's team is enough to beat every girl at every sport ever. Shot in Denver, so, you know, watch this and look at the skyline or whatever.
Justin Lin should only make movies with the words Fast or Furious in the title. This movie is so bad, even the U.S. Navy disowned it. And they work with Michael Bay constantly.
20. Cool Runnings
The whole movie is bullshit. No, really. None of these people are real, and all the other bobsledders were perfectly okay with the Jamaican team. They crashed their bobsled long before the final run, and were never on any kind World Record pace. Plus the goddamn movie stars goddamn Doug E. Doug.
19. The Benchwarmers
Does this really need further explanation?
18. All the Right Moves
Tom Cruise is the only hobbit ever allowed to play a defensive back on any team, anywhere, ever. Oh, wait. Other than Rudy.