Team USA flattens World: Top five verbs from the Roller Derby World Cup

Categories: Outdoors, Sports

Team USA Roller Derby World Cup Champs.jpg
The first ever Roller Derby World Cup, which concluded yesterday in Toronto, can be best summarized by the following chronological countdown of vicious verbs compiled from headlines at

5. USA Hammers New Zealand, 377-8. As DNN reporter Justice Feelgood Marshall put it in Friday's report from opening day, "New Zealand had the unfortunate distinction of being the first team to face perhaps the best collection of flat-track talent ever assembled when they took on Team USA," including Denver Roller Dolls star Tracy "Disco" Akers and Rocky Mountain Rollergirls wrecking balls Frida Beater, Psycho Babble, Urrk'n Jerk'n as Booty Blockya, and Psycho Babble (seven of the 28 skaters on Team USA are from Colorado; rotating through the 14-woman roster for each game). My first thought after tuning in to watch the DNN webcast of Friday's bouts was that roller derby fans in Colorado are awfully spoiled: The Roller Derby World Cup venue in Toronto was more Fight Club than 1st Bank Center or Fillmore, with a concrete floor, padded pillars in the center of the rink, and almost no seating to speak of, but the gritty venue also served as a reminder that roller derby doesn't necessarily need to be glossy and glamorous. And, speaking of grit, New Zealand may have had their asses kicked back into the Southern Hemisphere but they still managed to make their opening bout into one of the most badass moments of the World Cup, thanks to this pre-bout Māori haka:

4. USA Buries Scotland, 435-1. Scotland blocker Wild Oates didn't put her team's lone point on the scoreboard until the last five minutes of the bout, but that one point earned the loudest applause of the weekend for thwarting a Team USA shutout. I was about to write that Denver Roller Dolls jammer Heather Juska and Rocky Mountain Rollergirls skaters DeRanged, Frida Beater, Urrkn' Jerkn' as Booty Blockya, and Psycho Babble might want to avoid traveling to Scotland for a while, but then I saw this interview -- let's call it Scotland Syndrome -- with Wild Oates, who seems positively thrilled to have had the opportunity to get beaten by her Team USA heroes:

Wild Oates and Juke Boxx from Todd Bradley on Vimeo.

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