Eleven memorable lines from the Laugh Track Comedy Festival
5. Charlie Nadler
L.A.'s Charlie Nadler won Colorado hearts with a strong set of cannabis comedy. Calling 911 while seriously stoned, Nadler confused the operators question of "what's your name, sir" with "what's your nature?" "Which means absolutely nothing, but I interpreted that as 'what's your ethnicity?' . . . 'I'm Caucasian,' I told her, like there were different 911's and she was going to say 'sir, why didn't you tell me you were white sooner? I'll patch you through to the real 911. Not this placebo 911 we use for our minority callers.'"
As the host of Denver's weekly comedy series, Fine Gentleman's Club, the crowd was familiar with local talent Nathan Lund. Yet that didn't stop them from doubling over with laughter when Lund commented on his long-time wish to be cremated on his 30th birthday: "But I looked into it and found out it's about as expensive as anything else you could do. So I decided to stay alive a while longer, check out my options. Push ups are free, so I've been doing those."
(Readers Note: While Lund was leaving the stage to raucous applause, a voice in the crowd shouted with glee "Zach Galafianakis, yeah!")
Keeping with the theme of self-loathing, Austin's Ashley Barnhill commented on her three-year single status with the line: "I'm single and ready to mingle. Which sounds way less desperate than 'I'm alone and ready to bone.'" After explaining how she invited a twitter friend she'd never met to a family wedding, Barnhill drifted onto the subject of sexting. "I wish I was better at dirty-texting. I recently responded to one guys text with 'you should throw your meat scraps in my baby dumpster.' He did not text back."
Hailing from the cornfields of Iowa, Garland had a little trouble with the Denver crowd after laying a few homophobic jokes on the audience. But he kept his set together untill the end, delivering the multi-layered wisecrack. "It's been weird for me to start dating since I've just been cheating for the last three years. I actually ended a relationship today. Not mine, though."
1. Ian Douglas Terry
Josiah M Hesse Ian Douglas Terry
Finishing out the night, Terry's (almost) decent set contained the all too familiar observation from a man-child confronting a younger generation. "The most terrifying thing that could happen to me is walking by a group of teenagers. I just break out in anxiety walking by some kids smoking. I'm like 'what are they gonna do? They're gonna do something. They're sociopaths! I've seen The Real World. Someone's gonna cry or punch me.'"
The Laugh Track Comedy Festival continues tonight at the Oriental Theater, located at 4335 West 44th Avenue. For more information visit www.laughtrackcomedyfest.com.