What did you just say to me?: How to deal with adults with poor social skills

Categories: Breeality Bites

Fine Gentleman2-thumb-550x365.jpeg
Four Fine Gentlemen at last year's Funstival debut.
But there was something about this guy's Adam Sandler-as-Billy Madison creepo demeanor that threw me off; it was like Sam and I were both waiting for his punchline, but it never came. He just stood there, wearing a shit-eating grin from ear to ear, staring at me. Once Billy Madison walked away, I started spitting out what-the-fucks -- I didn't care that he thought I was a bad bass player, but, uh, where was his band? When was he playing Too Much Funstival? Oh, that's right. He wasn't.

Thirty minutes later, a close friend (who also happens to be a woman in a band) showed up. I told her about the "neener neener neener I'm a better bass player than you" comment and she flipped out. She flipped out like I usually flip out when someone says shitty stuff like that to my friends. I pointed to the guy, and she proceeded to tell him he was rude, inappropriate and, most of all, dumb. I eventually pulled her away from the situation, because Billy Madison was still sporting that insane smile, leading me to believe he was either mentally incapacitated or possibly thinking about punching her in the face.

For most of the four years I've been in this band, we've existed in a bubble; we play shows with other like-minded men and women who don't see gender as a valid differentiation. But it is by no means a vacuum -- we do interact with bands and crowds outside of this DIY utopia, and it's then that we encounter misguided machismo, unsolicited advice and people who tend to say things before actually thinking.

I can't assume the man who was a better bass player than me said such a thing because I was a woman, but something tells me that if I wasn't, he wouldn't have felt so comfortable hurling an insult. If that was the case, I really don't care. I'm not going to stop playing because a stranger told me I sucked, once. But next time, maybe I'll react like my friend Alex does when she's faced with a visible-loser mentality -- though I don't think I have the ovaries to knock a guy on crutches to the ground, pour a beer on some dude's head or, well, just punch a man in the face.

In the end, though, I have advice for people who desire to make others feel small: Just don't say that kind of shit to anyone. Ever.

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
DonkeyHotay topcommenter

Yeah, violence is always the answer to your immature insulted ego ...


... you vapid pudenda.


Nice. It reminds me of a time at last year's UMS, when some dude cornered me on the sidewalk and asked if I was in the band that had played the previous night at the 404, at whatever-O'clock. I told him I indeed was in that band, and he just said, "yeah, not my thing." Thanks dude.

Now Trending

Denver Concert Tickets

From the Vault