Fifty Shades of Grey CD? Here are five better tunes for kinky inspiration

Oh, goody! More Fifty Shades stuff!
Ever since E.L. James' first rectal-extraction, the book Fifty Shades of Grey, hit the market like a drunken Rip Torn ramming his car into a tractor-trailer, the merchandise spin-off has been explosive -- or catastrophic, depending on your point of view. Stockings, garters, underwear, pajamas, robes, kitchen and bath décor: all offshoots of the book's mild BDSM themes.

And now a collection of fifteen classical music pieces that the author swears she was "inspired by" while she wrote the Fifty Shades trilogy will hit stores tomorrow, September 11.

See also:
- I was a human dessert tray and it was BDSM-delicious

- Fifty Shades of Grey means business for Fascinations chain
- Kink of the Jungle: A Field Guide to Denver's wild side

The CD, predictably titled Fifty Shades of Grey--The Classical Album, features Chopin's Prelude #4 in E minor, Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto #2 - Adagio Sostenuto and the ever-popular Bach: Adagio from Concerto #3 -- all solid choices if you'd like to party like it's 1899.

I'd rather keep my kink music in the modern era. So here's a list of my top five tunes for playtime inspiration. Play these down from five to one for an intense scene -- you know, the opposite of a scene in Fifty Shades.

5. "#1 Crush," Garbage

This song from Garbage's debut album, Vow, (and a hot remix single on the William Shakespeare's Romeo +Juliet soundtrack) is a great kinky warm-up song that helps me get in my proper head space as a submissive. In other words, it makes me feel focused on being pathetic, miserable, obsessive and ready for a righteous -- and consensual -- beat-down. I especially like this song playing in the background whilst I play a rousing game of "dodge the riding crop" as my dominant has me cuffed to a modified sawhorse whipping bench. By the end of song I let 'em "break my will," and now I'm ready for the heavier stuff.

4. "Stripped," Depeche Mode

This single is from the album Black Celebration -- and really, the whole album is a fine choice to play during kink-time, since you really can't deny the deliciousness of a Depeche Mode song in a dungeon space -- or a pretty-pink princess bedroom. I like this particular song to follow my warm-up because it's got a steady beat and mesmerizing lyrics, and my dominant can even flog me in time with the music. It's also slow and soft enough so that I can still clearly hear my d-type calling me filthy names and trampling on my self-esteem like an evil robot smashing an elegant flower bed.

3. "(Can't You) Trip Like I Do," The Crystal Method & Filter
This song is from the debut album Vegas (and also found on the soundtrack for Spawn) and I prefer it for the most intense parts of my scenes -- it's fast, hard, trippy and fucked up, just the way I like my dominants. I love hearing this while I'm un-cuffed, hurled onto the floor and things are perpetrated upon my person that I'm probably not allowed to talk about here. I'll give you a hint, though: I'll need a shower and a nice nap afterwards.

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No NIN/"Closer" love? I am so very disappointed, JWohl.

Kwhip moderator

Not gonna lie, I've definitely gone the Deftones route -- but mostly because that scene in Queen of the Damned was so awesome when I was younger.

Joel Bader
Joel Bader

How about the Pennsylvania Polka? heh heh

jenna-furrr topcommenter

 @amber.taufen Lol....NIN and Lords of Acid, Combichrist and Genitorturers--all great for public dungeon soundtracks, but I threw down my super-personal faves list.

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