Five sluttiest Halloween costumes for teen girls
A recent stroll through the popular teen retail store Hot Topic got me all geared up for Halloween. Seeing the skeleton jewelry, the fake blood-splattered wedding veils and tiaras and the slashed-up fake body parts gave me a warm feeling in my heart. Then I scoped the female costumes and saw some real gems in this year's collection: slutty animals, slutty maids, schoolgirls and superheroes, slutty Hello Kitty, slutty zombies and brides.
Now, I'm the last person in the world to eschew slutty costumes -- although I'd like to see more slutty male costumes -- but Hot Topic is a teen retail store, and encouraging teenage girls to dress like Hallow-teen hookers doesn't seem to be the best idea on this blue orb for a host of obvious reasons. Here's a list of the five sluttiest Halloween costumes for teenage girls -- all from one store.
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5. Slutty teen Batgirl
(Not pictured: matching Batgirl spankies with yellow cape attached to the back.) So much for the idea of empowering girls to be anything they want when they grow up. Instead, this slyly encourage syoung ladies to prevail over the bad guys by objectifying their figures and reducing themselves to boobs and butts -- and it seems like a fair assumption that images like this are one of the reasons why girls end up dating the bad guys instead of defeating them.
4. Slutty teen dominatrix
Nothing is hotter than a strong, beautiful woman who dons a tight leather outfit and mask and then shoves a man's kisser into the toes of her shiny leather boots. Did you catch the part where I said "woman?" When I saw this teenatrix costume at Hot Topic -- complete with matching faux-leather whip accessory -- I wondered what the entire fuck the folks at the store were thinking when they decided this sexually charged, lewdly miniaturized, completely inappropriate Halloween costume was something they should be marketing to teenage girls.
And any parent who would approve this costume for their daughter should take a wooden sled ride straight to hell wearing gasoline underpants. Any child who shows up at my house trick-or-treating wearing this costume should be fully prepared for me to wrap her up in a warm blanket, give her a mug of cocoa and call social services.
3. Slutty teen skeleton
I don't want to think about skeletons and teenage girls at the same time, and I sure don't wanna think about skeletons, teen girls and sluttiness at the same time. I was disgusted by this costume on many levels, not the least of which was the disproportionate cup size on this skele-corset: The mannequin boobs were too small for the cups, for fuck's sake. So not only are teenage girls supposed to want to dress up like skele-sluts, but they are also supposed to have tiny waists and unrealistically huge breasts. I officially deemed this costume an interlude of extreme failure.