New Year's Eve standup horror stories from Sam Tallent and Andrew Orvedahl
I was doing this standup show on New Year's Eve -- which is a coveted gig -- and in addition to the comedy show, they also offered a buffet in the lobby of the club. So after the show (which, of course, was a riotous success), everyone was milling around in the buffet area, eating.
Then people started whispering and giggling. Eventually the whispers and giggles reached me, and someone asked if I saw the lady who peed her pants.
I had not, but then I suddenly did. She was hiding around the corner from the lobby, sort of peeking out. Which was weird. Weirder still, her husband was still picking over the buffet, piling his plate high. I'm all for a bargain, and I understand the buffet was included in the price of the party: But if your partner has peed their jeans, why not just call it a night?
So the guy continued to snack, and we all continued to sort of not notice the hiding woman, but eventually they had to leave. So for some reason the woman decided that she needed to get a hug from the headliner. So she emerged from her shame cave, and sure enough, the entire front of her jeans were just soaked. As if in slow motion she made her way through the party to the headliner, who -- to his credit -- fully embraced her as if he wasn't hugging someone who'd just peed her pants.