Getting stoned with comedian/musician Chella Negro

Given the chance, would you date Jesus?

Yes! Jesus seems cool -- why wouldn't I want to date Jesus? I love wine, and if I had a boyfriend who could make water into wine, that would be sweet. And he'd always be saying cool, deep shit.

It would come with some baggage, though. It'd be like dating Prince Harry.

Well, I don't know -- maybe. I would definitely get a record deal. Girl who dates Jesus gets a record deal.

You could probably get the perfect parking space everywhere you went.

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Yeah, and I'd get to meet Bono. Not that that's a dream of mine; I just feel like Bono would hang out with Jesus. It would be Bono, the Dalai Lama and Jesus.

They'd all play ping-pong together.

Oh, that's such a fun visual. But who would be their fourth?

Pol Pot.

Yeah, he would run things.

Exactly. In the post-Rapture world, Jesus would have to pluck a few souls out of Hell, for strategic purposes.

That would make a great sketch.

Who do you think would win in a fight between Honey Boo Boo and a baby panda with rabies?

Hmm, that's a real thinker. I may have to go with Honey Boo Boo. She seems sassy and tough...but against a rabid baby panda?

Those baby pandas are pretty uncoordinated. But I imagine the rabies would sharpen it up a bit, like amphetamines.

They have those big paws, too, which are adorable. I think it could do some good clawing and screeching, rip your face off. How much Mountain Dew has Honey Boo Boo had?

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Go-juice! Her stuff is called Go-Juice. It's a mixture of Mountain Dew and Red Bull. That's what they give her before she goes on stage.

I think I'm going to have to go to with the Panda. Honey Boo Boo is all pink, like a little pig.

Yeah, like her skin is made out of those Sno-Ball cakes. The panda could probably tear her to pieces in no time.... I am really stoned.

Me, too.

When I interviewed Chris Charpentier for this series, there was no end to his pot smoking. At first I thought I was annoying him, asking him to smoke so much for the pictures, but he was like "Nah, I'm fine. I can do this as long as you want."

He's like a concentrated little THC pill with a mustache. I'll bet if you cut a little slice off him and ate it, you'd be high for like a day.

Have you ever been stoned in a really uncomfortable situation? Either where you had some responsibility that was beyond your faculties, or where you were just stoned in an awkward place?

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I'm a pothead and I'm a performer, so yes. Recently I was in this play for Ladyface, and afterward we went to this weird bar on Santa Fe. Real divey. But before we went in we got super, super high. The bar was like a college, towny bar from back home, lots of wood paneling. "This Is How We Do It" was playing. I was so uncomfortable, way too high. I tried to hide in the bathroom, but there was a long line. And then these three gangster guys walked into the bar -- who knows why they were there. They were all thugged out, and one of them was drinking out of a baby bottle. And not even a real baby bottle, but a toy one, like from a doll. It was weird. And I couldn't stop staring at them. So finally I walked up to them, and I was like, "What's in the bottle?" And he was like, "Girl, you don't want what's in here." And after a thirty-minute exchange, I find out it's codeine. And I'm like, "Y'all are drinking the szzurup?! The szzurup?!" And these dudes were like, what the fuck? And my friends were like, "Are you all right?" I'm sorry, this story makes no sense.


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2 comments
Juan_Leg
Juan_Leg

Up til the mid '90's' 'Weed Revolution', I'd guess better than %98 of what was available across the entire country was 'shwag' .....

tutonehcc
tutonehcc

Chella Negro: Yes, but I don't think it was very good weed. In Wisconsin, where I grew up, you had to get your pot from Chicago or Minneapolis; there was no such thing as "kind-bud." It was all schwag.

TuTone too grew up in Chicago and all there was was schwag 

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