Getting stoned with comedian/musician Chella Negro
[Somehow, the conversation turns to Ryan Adams.]
Everyone tells me Ryan Adams is a dick.
He blocked me on Twitter. And that broke my heart -- my heart is broken.
What did you do to deserve that?
What did I do? Nothing.... Okay, so I did this podcast, These Things Matter with Kevin O'Brien and Taylor Gonda, and we did it all on Ryan Adams. Afterward I posted it onto his page, and he favorited it. And I was like, oh, my God. So then everything was fine, and then a while later he tweeted something about how Taylor Swift's new album was the most brilliant thing he'd heard in a while. And I replied back, "Hahahahaha! This is the best joke I've ever heard."...And then he blocked me.
I guess he wasn't being sarcastic about Taylor Swift.
But why would I think that someone of Ryan Adam's caliber would actually think that Taylor-fucking-Swift's music was brilliant?
Well, speaking of powerful women, here's a hypothetical for you: There's a female, third-party candidate running for president. Her platform includes legalizing gay marriage, federally decriminalizing marijuana, single-payer health care for all citizens, tax hikes on the rich, publicly funded charter schools, defense cuts and a free cockatiel for every family. She's way ahead in the polls, and it's looking like she's going to win. But two weeks before the election, the New York Post runs an expose revealing the candidate regularly engages in the eighteenth-century French social custom of cat-burning, wherein a bag of kittens are tossed into a pyre for a crowd's amusement. The candidate does not deny this. In fact, she intends to make the event a regular staple of Barbara Walters's annual Christmas at the White House special. Do you still vote for this candidate?
Is this a religious ritual?
Kind of. It's similar to witch burnings. Cats were associated with witches at the time. It was thought to bring good luck on the town, but after a while it just became a regular family affair, with children laughing and clapping. It would have been our equivalent to going to see fireworks.
Well...no, I wouldn't vote for her.
But gay people could get married, everyone could have health-care coverage?
And we'd have to burn cats once a year?
Yes, but only, like, twelve of them.
Twelve cats a year, and then we get a utopian society. Hmmm....Guess I'd have to go along with it, for the greater good. I wouldn't like it, but there's a lot of stuff on TV I don't like, and I just don't watch it.
Eventually it would become part of America's identity in the eyes of the world, more than cowboys or Snuggies.
More than McDonald's?
Yup. More than Walmart or Taylor Swift.
No, then, I wouldn't.... What would the gay people do?
They're pretty collectivist, so I bet they would do it, for the greater good. Let's just say she's got the gay vote. She's very well dressed, very sassy in interviews. They love her.
Well...I just can't go for cat-burning.
But you would date Jesus?
Damn right. Bring it on, Lord and Savior.