Getting stoned with comedian Chris Charpentier
What Denver comedy venues are you more comfortable in being stoned while performing on stage?
Deer Pile, for sure. I'm more comfortable there in general than any place. With Comedy Works, I'm the least comfortable being stoned on stage. You have to be careful there. That's your future and your money, so you don't want to be stupid with that. You play more by the rules there.
It's good. It's pressure. It can go either way: You'll either do even better from the pressure, or it'll break you.
I imagine having the rest of the Fine Gentlemen is a helpful support system in those moments.
It definitely is, without a doubt. If you don't want to do a show one night, you don't even bring it up, because there are three other guys who do want to do the show. And then just hanging out with each other, talking about whether you're making progress or not, it gives you perspective. Because sometimes you're doing the same thing for six months in a row. Even if you're doing new material, you're still doing the same shows, not making any money. You start to wonder if you're making any progress at all.
If Colfax and Broadway had a baby, what type of disability would it have?
There would be some severe bipolar issues there. It would be like the six-fingered man from Princess Bride. He's smooth, he's suave, but he's sadistic. And he's got extra fingers.
Yeah, he had a black heart. Remember that torture chamber he built?
The Machine. Not to 50!
Recent polls show that one-fifth of Americans cannot locate the US on a world map. Why are our children so fat?
What's your opinion on the European economic crisis?
We're all fucked.... Actually, I don't know anything about it. It was Greece that fucked everything up, right?
Sort of. They're the worst of it. They're like the crypts.
Well I think that maybe Greece and Texas should secede from their unions. And form together.
In the middle of the Pacific?
See, you are up on things.
Maybe they could meet up with that island of floating plastic.
It'll be the new Australia! That's where we'll send everybody who's not quite right.
And everything will be made of plastic, like a McDonald's Playplace floating in the middle of the ocean. Then we can send all of the children there and we'll have our own paradise all to ourselves, like in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
I'd like to say in my sleep--
--but that's boring...
Exactly. So here are my three honest answers. 1.) In my sleep, peacefully, with my family around me.
Why is your family in bed with you?
Uh, I don't want them to be in bed with me physically.
Oh, so not just die-in-your-sleep randomly.
No, I want to be ill and just fade peacefully.
But why would you want to be ill? You can die any way you want, why be sick?
Can I finish, please?
So that's number one. Two: I think I'd like to do the Hunter S. Thompson thing: just when I get tired, finish it. When my body gives out and I just don't want to do it any more. I'm pretty sure that's how it's going to happen. And Three: If I know I'm going to die, it would be pretty rad to rent a Ferrari and do a high speed chase, just straight into the Grand Canyon.
Like Thelma and Louise?
Then whose hand will you be holding in this romantic doomsday scenario?
A bag of money that I stole.