Say "goodbye" to Instagram -- and six other Internet goals for 2013

4. The obnoxious, self-congratulatory act of re-tweeting what people say about you
We're all famous -- on Twitter. Yes, any time we interact with someone (especially a "stranger") on Twitter, it can feel as though they are our own personal #1 fan. I would know -- I'm Coco Davies, and you might know me from, um, my hilarious, laugh-a-tweet Twitter account. And I also know that when a journalist/musician/pop culture-ist of a higher caliber than my own inflated world starts following me on Twitter, I want to tell everyone about it.

But the thing is, no one cares. And if you are an actual B-List celeb or musician signed to a subsidiary of a once-behemoth record label, no one wants to see you retweeting posts from your fans about how great you are. They are your fans -- we get it.

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then retweeting tweets about yourself is the most insincere. It's kind of like talking about yourself in the third person -- and the only people who do that in real life have no friends. Bree would know. Bree does this all the time to her audience of no one.

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Blah, blah, blah.
3. Cutting and pasting statements of "security" on Facebook
Uh, so Facebook changes your privacy settings for you. A lot. In fact, your privacy is not only not the website's number one concern, it's kind of the opposite of what they want from you in the first place. This took a long time for me to understand myself, but when you sign up for Facebook, you're basically saying, I'll provide your website its content for free. Meaning, even when you cut, paste and post some sort of official "statement" concerning your privacy, it doesn't mean shit. Don't believe me? Here's a good explanation of how Facebook has effed with your "privacy" since 2009.

However, if you really want to make a statement about Facebook in 2013, why not be a true rebel and delete your account? It's just that simple -- well, except for that part about how all of your data still hangs around on the Internet for eternity in some form or another (ahem, and can we say screenshots?) Your best bet is to go back in time, never sign up for any website ever, ask every person you know not to take photos or post information about you, and attempt, in your mind, to control every physical and virtual paper trail you may produce.

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Later, dude.
2. Saying "goodbye" to Instagram
While we're on this subject of privacy and content, it seems as though everyone who was all about sharing more photos of their cats, breakfasts and adult duckface "look at my cute outfit!" home-modeling shoots got all pissy when Instagram updated things and apparently messed with the ownership of our images.

But again, we, the Instagramed people, probably never read any of that privacy stuff in the first place when we joined. I mean really, when was the last time you read the pages of terms and conditions that came with the 27 apps you downloaded in the last week?

Chances are, never. When you're downloading an app that tracks how much water we drank today or acts as a good old-fashioned alarm clock, nothing is more annoying than having to click through those stupid paragraphs of words. In short, we do it to ourselves. We've never cared about privacy before, so why start now? Nothing looks less authoritative and mature than taking a random stand on an issue. Just give it up -- you put your stuff out there, it becomes everyone's.

Continue reading for more Internet don'ts.

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Corrections

Bree, I love love love your writing, but I think you misinterpreted the Nicole Brown Simpson meme that is posted on the first page. 

This meme is in response to what Bob Costas said during a Monday Night Football broadcast in response to the Jovan Belcher murder-suicide. What Costas said was that Belcher's girlfriend was dead because Belcher had access to guns. I think he might have actually said that she'd definitely be alive if he had not had a gun. This meme is saying that Costas is wrong because OJ did not need access to a gun to kill Nicole and so it makes perfect sense - despite being pretty annoying. 

If you don't replace this meme soon, someone is going to point out that you failed to google the facts surrounding a meme in a post wherein you chide people for not googling facts of a meme.

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