Ten cliche Instagram photos to avoid in 2013
If we follow you on Instagram, chances are we already know you have a cat. Chances are we probably know exactly what that cat's name is, where it sleeps, what it eats, when it eats, how it lays on your bed/couch/lap/toilet seat, if it brings home dead birds, if it looks confused when you point a phone at it, if it likes to play with laser pointers, what it looks like on a window sill with sunlight falling on its feline features, how many whiskers it has, how small its paws are, and whether or not you are desperately single and in search of a significant other. We shouldn't know any of this, but we all do.
Congratulations! You are partaking in a venture almost every single person in the world does every single day. The only difference is you are taking time away from your meal to snap a picture, add a retro filter that really makes the teriyaki salmon glisten in the dim light of whatever restaurant you are being rude in, and then type a few words of text so that everyone knows what you are eating, when you are eating it, and where you are getting it from. We didn't have smart phones when I was a child learning table manners, but I'm pretty sure my momma would have slapped the drool right off my mouth if I tried to take a picture of her food instead of eating it.
Utilizing what might be the most useless hashtag known to man, it is inherently obvious that you think Instagram is a popularity contest when you add this to your photos. Why? You think people will scroll through all 93 million photos to find your picture of the sun peeking through a tree with a half-full, light beer sitting in the foreground while your confused dog stares at aforementioned beer? No, they won't. They don't care. We don't care. You are the only one who cares. Stop caring.
The only positive thing to come out of this hashtag -- and the picture for that matter --(though its origins can be traced back as far as MySpace days, its spirit lives on in Instagram land) is the rebuttal hashtag, #bang. Anytime you see a guy/girl post a picture of his/her pouty lips, wide-eyed and bushy-haired, simply add #bang to the comments section so that they know they were hunted and shot. That's what he/she wanted, right? You don't post a self-portrait kissing at the camera for your own personal amusement. Also, your forearm does look fat, in case you were wondering.