Ten effective ways to fake an orgasm (NSFW)

Nope.

6. The buck starts here
Physical movement is also something that must be employed in order to drop the faker undetected. Do the old "gasp-and-hip-buck" move a few times, and then do it harder and louder right before you thrown down a faker. This seems easy-peasy because it is, and if your partner knows you pretty well, you will bust yourself trying to make your fake reaction too complicated. If you don't know your partner very well, you should still go through the motions, because that's probably what they are expecting. And if you can't do the simple things you need to do in order to properly fake a climax, then you might get stuck continuing the farce way longer than you want to. Ten minutes is like fourteen straight hours in lousy-lay time.

5. Faces of evil
It's easier to fake an orgasm when you aren't fucking face-to-face, so try doggy-style or any position where she/he cannot see your face. Unless you usually have the wherewithal to check out your own O-face in the mirror when you come, then you likely have no fucking clue what it looks like, so in order to keep the orgasm-charade going, you don't want your partner all up in your face to notice that the fake expression looks nothing like the real one.

Fortunately, one-nighters with no chance of repeat business will render this tip non-applicable, but you might want to use it as a practice run for when you get married.

Still not happening...

4. Sexercise
It's all about the muscle spasms. These can make or break a fake, and if you've been keeping up on your Kegel exercises, ladies, this will be both shockingly easy and startlingly believable to your partner. Start off slowly tensing up your entire body, tense up your yammie, and release them both while tensing up quickly and rhythmically for a few seconds. Then relax your body, but keep doing short, quick Kegels. This will mock your pickle-grabber's natural orgasm response in a fairly convincing way, if you have something inserted in it like fingers, a penis, a fist, an elbow. (No judging here.)

3. Yoga bare
Controlled breathing is a key strategy in some sports, and bed-sport is no exception. Start out breathing normally, and gradually move to short, shallow breaths. Then start shorter, shallower, ragged-sounding breaths, and for the big non-finale, hold your breath for a second and audibly exhale. This also serves as a good opportunity to practice yoga breathing, since you aren't getting a chance to take full advantage of any badass yoga positions.

Continue reading for more pointers.