Ten signs your Colorado man might not be man enough for you

Categories: Lists

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Britt Chester
This is Menver, known for its fit, healthy and attractive men. They ski, bike, climb and run. They wear Patagonia, own 4-wheel-drive vehicles and head to the mountains whenever possible. In today's metrosexual, blurred-gender-role world, this can be confusing: Is your date man enough? If you spot several of these signs while sitting across from a guy at a restaurant, you may need to ask for the check and look for the exit.

See also:
- Five jaded tips for online dating -- don't get Te'od!
- Online dating for straight people: We're all just chasing the popcorn
- A Great! First Date, new local online dating site, is about deeds, not words

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Kate Gibbons

10. He doesn't have a go-to cocktail.
Whiskey, Scotch, vodka or gin. Since the days of Don Draper, a man knows his cocktail. On the rocks, neat, shaken or stirred -- it doesn't matter, as long as there isn't an umbrella in it.

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9. His collection of GI Joe, Thundercats or Transformers is on display.
Unless you jumped in a time machine and went back to 1984 and he's twelve, you shouldn't see such displays. No one is saying he can't still have the toys, but they should be in a box in the basement of his parents' house. This is the male equivalent of the mountain of dolls and My Little Ponies that you once had piled on your lavender canopy bed: If you introduced him to Strawberry Shortcake or Rainbow Bright the first time he came over to your place, he would run. And he'd be right.

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8. He faints at the sight of blood.
The technical term is vasovagal syncope, and doctors believe it is a genetic primitive reflex that buried itself in the brain. The theory is that if an enemy chopped off the arm of a caveman, the caveman would pass out -- and, believing the caveman was dead, the attacker wouldn't chop off his head, too, and so the caveman would survive. This might have worked then, but really, when was the last time a competitor chopped off someone's arm on the golf course?

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Brandon Marshall
7. He has cats.
Not one furry friend, but two or three -- even if their names are Butch and Max and he swears they are way cooler than other cats, more like lions. No. Just no.

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6. He can't drive a stick.
His dad, uncle, older brother -- someone should have taught him this. If Danica Patrick can go 500 laps at 125 mph, he should be able to shift from second to third.

Continue reading for more signs.


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11 comments
dmr80620
dmr80620

I love this. It's great that Kate is expressing diverse values. However, it's more manly to play football. It's a beta activity to compulsively watch other people play.


hambo
hambo

wow. just horrible.

dragon
dragon

So this seems to be geared towards a man in the 40s or 50s.  So you should also make sure that your man is racist and sexist, and will hit your kids with his belt when he gets angry.  He should also be a functional alcoholic.  

Liv Johnson
Liv Johnson

kate gibbons is perhaps an icon of everything i dislike about colorado. also, she should not be allowed to come up with her own articles. her writing will not pass my eyes again, what a waste of time.

ryanjohnsmith1013
ryanjohnsmith1013

The....

White Iphone, check

Hate blood, check

Can't drive a stick without fuc*** the transmission, check

Failed attempt at humor.

prooat
prooat

This may be the absolute worst thing I have ever read on Westword. It is making me question why I even come here. I honestly just can't believe this was published. 

CarCar
CarCar

This piece came across as pretty sexist.  As a woman, I want the freedom to be myself.  I'm attracted to men who are comfortable in themselves, not chained to outdated ideas of what it means to be "manly."  I expected more from Westword.

.Marie
.Marie

I can't believe this crap got published.

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