Prince vs. Prince Harry: Both came to Colorado, but which monarch gets the crown?
His Royal Highness Prince Harry spent the day on Sunday enjoying the Colorado scenery -- and hopefully some of our best weed -- while the Prince of Purple played two of his four shows at the Ogden with his new band 3rd Eye Girl (he plays two more tonight). And while the two princes probably won't meet up to party together like it was 1999 -- or, in Harry's case, like it was 1899, since he is supposed to be on his best behavior after his recent, well-memed ass-capades in Las Vegas. Of these two princes visiting our fair state of Colorado, which one deserves a crown more? Here's our comparison.
His royal highness, Prince.
Prince Harry has been royalty since 1984
His Royal Highness, Prince Harry.
Prince Harry was born famous on September 15, 1984, the second son of Prince Charles and Princess Diana, which got him immediate silver spoonage and VIP treatment at his ritzy christening by the Archbishop of Canterbury at St. George's Chapel, Windsor. Handsome, popular and adored, his freckled royal buttocks are kissed -- or bared -- all over the world as he is wined and dined in style. Even when he does stupid shit, like dress up like Hitler, he is still adored and fawned over, possibly because he is a ginger, but most definitely because his blood is bluer than windshield-wiper fluid.
Prince has been royalty since 1982
Prince and his band the Revolution released "1999" in 1982, and Prince's signature sound fusion of funk, dance and rock along with his sexually explicit lyrics pocket-rocketed him to superstardom, and when Purple Rain the movie and the soundtrack album came out in 1984, Prince was certified, bona fide rock-star-level royalty -- and there are people to this day who don't know whether to approach him on bended knee or just throw themselves at his dainty, high-heeled feet.
Winner: I'd call this one a tie.
Prince has religion
The clothes..the hair...the music...the batshit...
Like all popular big-name celebs here in the States, Prince had a crazy religious conversion, and in 2001 he became a Jehovah's Witness, going to meetings and actually knocking on people's doors to try to convert them. But as appealing as it might seem to have Prince show up on your doorstep, Jehovah's Witnesses are down-and-out nuttier than a giant swimming pool filled with pecans. Still, his beliefs somehow made him even more interesting and exotic, rather than an irritating bore.
Prince Harry has religion as well
Prince Harry inherited his mother's million-dollar smile, his father's cup-handle ears -- poor guy -- and an inclination toward the Church of England that was started by his Tudor ancestors under some less-then-pure circumstances including adultery and hundreds of years' worth of Catholic scandals and fuckups. Although Harry hasn't appeared to be a particularly pious person, what's interesting about his Protestantism is that because he is royalty and third in the line of succession to the throne, he is literally required to be a member of the Church of England, and if he ever decided to convert to some other religion on a whim, he'd have his entire country up his ass in a bad way -- and could lose his place in line to do what passes for ruling Britain.
Winner: Prince totally gets this one.