Five things you must stop posting on Facebook

Categories: Lists

FBlede.jpg
I generally love Facebook. I spend hours a day keeping up with friendly gossip, laughing at George Takei's often-reposted memes involving vegetables, reading filthy jokes, swapping recipes for tempura broccoli fritters and watching posted vid clips of guys getting thwacked in the balls with various lawn ornaments. But then there is the torrid underbelly of Facebook -- the blocks of religious motivational posters, photos of bad tattoos, inappropriate 'shopped pics of President Obama's head atop a stripper's body, and endless proof that over half the people who graduated high school with you cannot spell. Yes, with Facebook and every other damn social media site you have to take the rough with the smooth, but there are days when a little more smooth -- and a little less of the reposted picture of the egg in the avocado -- would be nice.

Here are the five things I hate seeing people post on Facebook. Feel free to repost this list...on Facebook.

See also:
- There's a Facebook inside my Facebook's Facebook
- Unfriending on Facebook often kills actual friendships, study shows
- My fake Facebook engagement to a gay guy

pissyFB.jpg
5. Vague, passive-aggressive musings with "no intended recipient(s)"
We've all seen this -- somebody in your feed posts something like: "And you can go suck a #$%^& into your %^&* and then *&^% your mother's #$%^& until she %$#^ in your #$*&^ you worthless, lice-ridden, foul-breathed, shit-stained bag of *&^%$!!!!!" That somebody is really, really mad, and making sure everyone knows it....except when you have the temerity to type in and ask whoduhell they are talking about, it's always, "Oh, nobody in particular." Even more annoying than this is the whimsical, poetic post that goes: "Like a bird falling from a tree, I understand that you don't love me," usually followed by a sad emoticon. And when you go to offer digital comfort or pixel-pats, you get this: "I don't want to talk about it."

Look, if you don't want to talk about something, don't want people to try and make you feel better or don't want anyone to empathize with your situation, then don't start the process by blurting out nebulous keyboard musings on Facebook.

CCrehab.jpg
4. Game invites
I get it: Candy Crush Saga is neato and fun, you discovered it ten days ago, and since that day you have not bathed, eaten a hot meal at a table, or worn anything but jammie-jams because you simply must align those colors! But here's the deal, sweeties: There are something like 45 million other people who are trying their damnest to get the first score star, who are equally as diligent about not showering or going outdoors, and every single fucking one of them has sent me an invite to play with them since this time-sucking, virtual sugar vortex began.

I do not want to play Candy Crush Saga now, or ever. I also don't want to play any incarnation of FarmVille, Angry Birds or anything Zynga and Facebook are trying to shove into my consciousness -- and wallet -- via you and your ilk. In case I wasn't clear enough, all of you who play Candy Crush can kiss my Holiday Nuts, take Mr. Toffee and plan a permanent vacation to the Fudge Islands.

Babycrawl.jpg
Look! It's a baby doing absolutely nothing!
3. Photos of every single thing your kids/pets do every day
It's bad enough that my feed is constantly clogged with every single person's photos of their newborns, puppies and kittens (and the occasional nest of baby albino corn snakes) like they are the first people in the known universe to ever breed/adopt/witness the miracle of life, but the folks who treat every day on Facebook as a freakish farm of photo galleries starring your kids and critters need to either run out of camera batteries or do some serious life-diversification.

Don't get me wrong -- I like puppehs, kittehs and some baybehs, but when my feed looks like a nursery or an ad for a local pet shelter, it's time you moved on to the wild world of Caring About Other Things, and please believe me when I say that everyone else who sees your posts will understand that you still love your kids and pets thiiiiiiiis much if you don't upload 35 photos a day of them eating, sleeping and sitting there not doing anything remotely interesting.



Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
117 comments
Sara McMath
Sara McMath

I strongly disagree!!! We want to see EVERYTHING the babies do !!!!

Mary Ann Kil
Mary Ann Kil

You also don't need to post every thought that pops into your head!

Katy Martin
Katy Martin

I would rather do away with Facebook.

Brian Mosbey
Brian Mosbey

oh yes, NOW I see the difference. It was a stupid article as I said...and so what if someone wants to post pics of their kids. It's their page, and they are proud of them, and this article is FOR discussion. The point is all of the stuff the author complains about is petty. So stop being a twit.

Bradford Ashington
Bradford Ashington

the difference is, I'm not the one crying like a little tween brat on the Internet; just pointing out painful reality. suck it

Callie Edward
Callie Edward

Alix - Don't look at this! We want to see everything he is doing!

philmeiklejohn
philmeiklejohn

You know what I would like to see. People stop complaining about how other people handle their Facebook pages. I hear it all the time, "nobody wants to see your baby"(referring to some acquaintance from high school) then2 days later "OMG did you see my sisters new puppy on facebook" suddenly you care because it is somebody you actually care about. 


Here's a tip, if somebody has a life changing event like a baby or marriage and you find it irritating to see their pictures and generally don't give a shlt about what they are posting then take that as a clue that you actually don't care about that person and delete them.


Completely agree about the vague posts and such though.

Dani Ball
Dani Ball

Who's going to give you a reprimand about the absolute junk YOU post, Westword??

Kathy Blomquist
Kathy Blomquist

We can always agree to disagree...that's still our right...but then move along to other topics...it's FB after all :)

Kev Markis
Kev Markis

I really only give a shit about babies of whom I am related. Those guys are totes adorbs. Other babies are losers.

Joel McEldoon
Joel McEldoon

Yes, some of you really do need to read this.

Misty Williams
Misty Williams

I'm guilty for posting too much. But, my husband is in Afghanistan, I don't want him to miss anything. Even if it seems minor to others.

Brian Mosbey
Brian Mosbey

To which you just replied because you didn't like my comment...nimrod

Bradford Ashington
Bradford Ashington

" If you don't like something someone is posting then move on, nothing to see here." like whiny FB commenters who bitch about articles of which they inadvertently become the subject, themselves.

Kris Herzberger Potter
Kris Herzberger Potter

Stop sharing super fattening recipes for things like cakes made out of five different kinds of candy bars, or kids birthday party ice cream with frosting and all sorts of garbage in it!

Angela Becerra
Angela Becerra

You do not own Facebook so FUCK OFF..what's the difference between that and prostitutes you advertise..stfu u will be deleted suckamoe..

Luke Bochmann
Luke Bochmann

Reminder. You don't need to post all your shitty articles. Wow. Go fuck yourselves westword. Seriously you guys must be hurting. Troll much

Lisa Bryant
Lisa Bryant

George Takei must be the most popular human ever on FB

LeAnn Nuss Lovato
LeAnn Nuss Lovato

Haha! I figure if I don't give enough of a shit about politics or religion to piss people off with posts about those things the least I can do is post pics and videos of my cute little kid.

Jesse James
Jesse James

Facebook is meant to be an expression of people and their lives. I will post whatever I want, as much as I want, if I feel it is an expression of me to be shared with people who care about me. If people don't want to see it they can delete me, I don't really care. Anyone who would follow these dumb ass lists and polls about what to do and not to do really needs to grow a backbone.

Skye Cameron
Skye Cameron

What is FB for if not to tell people what's new in your life? I haven't had babies for years but I can be excited for friends who do. And friends with pets. Wedding, anniversary, vacation pics are also fair game. Would you like us, your readers, to start giving you new topics? You've covered the mandatory drivers in Denver, who among you hates bicyclists and hoe lousy was the waitstaff where you ate until it's getting VERY old. I love ya, Westword, but you're sounding like a friend with alzheimers at this point and you may have to go soon. A precious friend with alzheimers I'll keep...you I may have to turn loose.

Bryan Clark
Bryan Clark

actually useless articles like that one are things you must stop posting....

Tamara Munroe
Tamara Munroe

My hedgehog pooped 7 times last night and ran on his wheel for his babysitter. I should post about that, right.

Michael Eymer
Michael Eymer

Unfollow that person if what they posts bothers you. Why even make a big deal of it?

Eric Smiles
Eric Smiles

Westword must stop posting the same stuff over and over and over again.

Brent Boland
Brent Boland

How did incessant stories about Juggallos not make the list?

Toby Hartman
Toby Hartman

The last thing I think about when I post something is who likes it or who doesn't. I don't really care if you like it or hate it, it's MY Facebook page and I'll post whatever I feel like posting, if you don't like it, take me off your news feed.

Pamela Millard Priest
Pamela Millard Priest

If you don't want to see the invites, then just adjust what you see from that person.

Michael Beckerman
Michael Beckerman

Well, now wait just a darn minute here! If people stop posting images of their meals, how will we ever know exactly what they had for lunch every single day? By that very same token, if they don't actually updates us on every time time they either go to or come from the gym, how will we ever be able to keep up on how their work outs are progressing on a day-by-day basis? I'm not sure I like the sound of this.

Joshua Tree
Joshua Tree

I'm pretty sure the Denver Westword only makes "Lists of things we hate/despise about you terrible people" style posts.

jcolky
jcolky

I'm pretty sure Denver Westword only makes "Lists of things we hate/despise about you terrible people" style posts.

Dave Shuck
Dave Shuck

Lose the duck lips and "droppin' deuces" poses, especially if you're over twenty-five.

Suni Daze
Suni Daze

Who cares what you dont like !! ENFRIEND ME !!! Im a gamer and will send you endless invites !!

Schittphaiç Magü
Schittphaiç Magü

Five things Facebook needs more of: 1. drunken nude photos 2. flame wars 3. Maddox 4. blood, guts, and/or gore 5. RAEP

Schittphaiç Magü
Schittphaiç Magü

Finally, Court. A post you don't experience endless butthurt over.

philmeiklejohn
philmeiklejohn

This is exactly what irritates me about the authors point about baby pictures. It may be too many for you, barely a friend of this person, but to that person's military husband, brothers, sisters who live abroad or out of state, those people want to see them so shut up and stop shaming people into posting less for the people who actually care.


Don't stop posting Misty, everybody else can get the f over it.

Now Trending

Denver Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...