Why does 103.1 want us to masturbate to standup comedy?

Categories: Funny Ha Ha

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The ultimate aim of good satire is to parody an unintentionally funny event as accurately as possible, while spicing it up with a little exaggeration and sarcasm. But sometimes the comedy gods throw you something so ridiculous, so shockingly unreal, that all you have to do is xerox it and say: Look how fucking weird this is! Such is the case with a certain promotional clip from Denver's Comedy 103.1 radio station. With a morning shock-jock cadence and thumping club music, the clip instructs listeners: "When you're on your computer, googling some hooters, we provide the soundtrack to your personal jack shack."

There's no double entendre here, no secret wink. The station is out-and-out suggesting that we masturbate to standup monologues. The idea of a media outlet doing this is both surreal and hilarious -- even though that probably wasn't 103.1's intention.

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There are a lot of things that I love: dogs, CSPAN, my grandmother, cleaning the lint-trap of my dryer. But I have to confess, none of these things make me horny. I also have what some would consider an unorthodox ritual of smoking marijuana, turning on the radio and listening to rural Pentecostal preachers sermonize about Obama being the Anti-Christ who will order the seas to boil and the four horseman of the apocalypse to descend from a cracked sky and bring supernatural torment upon humanity.

And I would sooner masturbate to that than I would standup comedy.

Don't get me wrong, I actually love Comedy 103.1 and listen to it all the time. Aside from the fact that it never play clips of any local standups -- yet inexplicably considers Bill Engvall worthy of hourly rotation -- it's a fantastic concept, and fulfills a utility for standup junkies like myself. But unlike that character in the Divinyls song, when I think about Larry The Cable Guy I do not touch myself.

The idea of this is so fucking hysterical that every time I hear the promotional clip come on the radio, I search for some kind of layered, ironic humor buried in the subtext. But there isn't any. And when it's over and I hear the comedy clips again, all I can picture is some sad bastard on his computer, googling some hooters, with Louis C.K. as the soundtrack to his personal jack shack:

I wake up into depths of hell. I get up and I eat chicken wings, things that nobody should eat at 10 a.m. Really hot wings, and I eat them all. And I'm like "Oouuggh," so then I eat some ice cream to cool them off. And then I feel worse, so I jack off -- and then I pass out again. But first I turn my phone off in case my kids call, because I can't face anybody. And then I wake up with three kinds of shame-glaze covering my body.
Louis C.K....hilarious .

While the poor sod who's ritualistically tugging himself to standup comedy in his home (or worse, while stuck in traffic in his car, where most people listen to the radio) could probably relate to the kind of sad lifestyle that C.K. is describing, it probably does little to rev up his crotch-motor.


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4 comments
Jason Hornyak
Jason Hornyak

i was thinking the same thing! Also... has anybody else noticed how hilariously unfunny the commercials that try to be funny are on 103.1?

Joshua Adams
Joshua Adams

This is easily the most incongruous and strange marketing clip I have ever heard on the radio. I wonder what they could've been thinking every time I hear it.

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