Meredith Baxter on sobriety and connecting with fans who reach out to her for guidance

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An Emmy-winning actress best known for her work on Family Ties and as a regular in Lifetime Original Movies, Meredith Baxter has been an endearing force in Hollywood for more than four decades. But her path has not been an easy one, and the film and television star makes a stop in Denver this week to talk about it.

Sober for more than two decades, Baxter is an advocate for 12-Step Programs and will be sharing her story this Friday, September 20 at the fourth annual Arapahoe House luncheon, a fundraiser for the non-profit that works to help individuals dealing with alcoholism and drug addiction. In advance of her Denver appearance, Baxter spoke with Westword about staying sober and how she works to connect with fans who reach out to her in their own times of crisis.

See also: Patty Schemel talks about her new documentary, Hit So Hard, and Hole's fifteen-minute reunion

Westword: You've been sober for two decades -- do you feel like this is something that you've conquered or do you still think about it?

Meredith Baxter: When I hear you say "conquered" or I hear some people say they are a "recovered alcoholic," I just think there is always a risk. But I'm not lured by the alcohol -- I was blessed in that I sort of lost the desire to drink. My slips are not in romanticizing the alcohol. My slips are in my thinking: when I slip back into old behavior, if I forget about what the principles are and I'm not practicing them. That's when I'm caught -- it's in my mind all the time, because I go to a meeting six days a week. Sundays are the only day I don't.

I was just writing a letter to someone who had written to me, who (told me) she had tried to get sober at one time and didn't have a good time of it. She sounded really reckless and out there, so I was just writing back to her. Then someone found me on Facebook -- which is strange to me, because I hardly look at Facebook -- and this woman wrote me about being an alcoholic and how she's gay and had come out to her family and how terrible it was. They threw religion at her and condemned her. She went back in the closet and got married and is in a ridiculous, horrible marriage.

I am writing back to both of these women and I can't fix their problems -- but all I can do is tell them what I know. Tell them what I've learned and what it was like for me and hope that there's some kind of connection.

Was there a moment or event in your life that initially pushed you to get sober?

I never really sought sobriety? Because hey, it was working for me. I don't know about you, but I didn't have any problem with it -- or so I thought. It had reached the point where I was drinking openly on movies I was doing and I thought I was real cool. I thought I was the epitome of hip, sleek and cool. Now it was my permission, because I was hurt and damaged and all that stuff that I felt so sorry for myself about all of my life.

I had just finished a movie in Canada and the producer called me and said, 'Let's have lunch together.' Just her tone -- she had been a friend. I had done like five movies with her, so we were good friends. During lunch she said, 'I think you have a problem with alcohol.' I thought, how could you say that? Really?

She said, 'We're trying to cut the movie together and your eyes aren't focused and we can't understand you.' I was appalled. She told me that they had been having meetings at the end of every day: What are we going to do about Meredith?

For them to see me as a problem -- the work was the only thing I had. I didn't have any friends, my family was all ripped apart by this horrible divorce I was going through -- and there was a problem with my work? I thought they were going to destroy the only thing I had. I didn't see my part in that, of course. I thought that they were the problem.

The producer suggested I call somebody -- she named a couple of people I actually knew who were sober. Who knew? I didn't know; I hadn't paid any attention to that. But then I started the journey.

I stopped drinking fairly quickly, I think because I was so lonely, I would do anything to stay somewhere. I had no place to be and no one to be with. The kids were with their dad part of the time and if I didn't have my kids, I didn't know who I was. I was a very slow learner, but I hung in there.

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Seawell Ballroom

1050 13th St., Denver, CO

Category: General

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2 comments
doo123
doo123

liked her on Family Ties, but loved her in those amazing Lifetime movies...

Cognitive_Dissident
Cognitive_Dissident

I'm not a recovering addict or anything, but I'm pretty sure 12-step programs are less than ideal ways to stop abusing yourself and your loved ones--especially when ordered by the courts.

To successfully get past the hypocrisy, you have to convince yourself that you are powerless sludge of the universe, and that your "higher power" (whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean to agnostics and atheists) must help you do what you are powerless to do. Since there's a serious logical failure in the minds of a good portion of the public, it's no wonder these programs fail so spectacularly so often.

The thing to do is not to teach people that they're powerless. It's the opposite. All the time they considered they were powerless, they were using the substance they feel dominated by as a crutch. It has to be that way, because substances don't pour themselves into a glass and down your throat. You do it, and to stop requires you to stop, not some "higher power." Likewise, no judge can force you to "find" such a higher power or "find" yourself powerless in the presence of a substance (which clearly isn't true, when you train yourself to stop abusing it anyway.)

This is not to attack people of faith. It's to explain how completely unhelpful the 12-stop bullshit is to people who are not of faith.

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