Why Elitch Gardens is the best amusement park in Denver

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It's a common trope among people who grew up in Colorado to express their preference for Lakeside Amusement Park over Elitch Gardens. Which is fine: Your preference is your preference, however misguided. What really rankles my ankles, however, is when snarky Denverites try to argue that Lakeside is better than Elitch's. Unless they have a vastly different conception of what the word "better" means, Elitch Gardens is the superior theme park by every metric that matters. I'm utterly convinced that Lakeside defenders are either clouded by nostalgia for a pre-new-Elitch era or are possessed of the knee-jerk contrarianism Coloradans sometimes develop around tourist attractions.

Now that I've sufficiently trolled a healthy portion of the Westword readership, allow me to explain why I prefer Elitch Gardens, which opened for the season last week with the debut of a brand-new ride.

See also: Why Lakeside is the best amusement park in Denver

To be fair, I've only been to Lakeside two or three times, while my visits to Elitch's number in the dozens. I was also still a child the last time I went there, which was still more recent than 1986, when Lakeside's last roller coaster was built. I don't feel compelled to return to a place that left me totally underwhelmed even when I was squarely in its target demographic. I'm less interested in criticizing Lakeside, however, than I am in celebrating Elitch Gardens, which is strangely underrated by locals despite its wide array of features and close proximity to downtown.

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Easily accessible by bus and light rail, Elitch's is situated on a prime piece of Denver real estate. The park's Ferris wheel and observation tower have become iconic parts of the city's skyline. On summer days, you can hear the din of the merry crowds. It's added a level of whimsy to the character of our city. Where else can you catch a postcard view of the gleaming cityscape in the thrilling microseconds before a 200-foot freefall?

Lakeside is favored by nostalgists, but nostalgia can't whip you through the air at 60 miles per hour. Retro kitsch won't take you on a full 360° revolution in a harness next to your screaming friends. Amusement parks ought to be assessed by their appeal to spastic children, and speaking as a former spastic child, there's nothing more appealing than defying physics and looping loops. A good roller coaster should inspire as much fear as it does glee. A good roller coaster dares you to ride it as you walk up, pondering its impossible steel contortions. The coasters at Elitch's inspire that kind of fear, and deliver on that kind of adrenaline. Lakeside has three roller coasters in addition to a number of kiddie rides I can no longer enjoy because I doubt I could squeeze my ungainly man form into the seats. Elitch's, meanwhile, has over ten thrill rides and its own damn water park. Lakeside used to be called "White City," which was an old-timey theme-park franchise, and not an easy joke about Denver's demographics.

Let's discuss admission fees. Lakeside is celebrated for its cheap tickets, but the entry fee is misleading and does not include rides. Full-pass tickets to Lakeside may be $12 cheaper, but admission to Elitch's offers more amusements per dollar. Certainly more than $12 worth. It's also adding new features to the park. Last week, a new, seven-story loop ride called the Brain Drain made its debut, giving park-goers yet another fine opportunity to travel upside down at tremendous speed.

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Dining options are pretty similar at both parks, with carnival staples like corn dogs and funnel cakes for sale. Yet one very important distinction between the parks, depending upon your age and proclivities, is beer availability. Elitch's serves beer at many of its restaurants and Lakeside does not, nor are they cool with you bringing your own. That's another reason that convenient public transit from Elitch's is such a nice feature: It prevents beery and wobbly-kneed patrons from getting behind the wheel after they pass out in Hook's Lagoon.

While Lakeside, with its faded charm and limited attractions, is the seeming underdog here, I'd argue that between declining attendance, liability and massive overhead costs, every amusement park is fighting an uphill battle. On a weekday visit to Elitch's last summer, the crowds were so sparse that I rode the Mind Eraser, that devilishly twisty feat of Dutch design, four times in ten minutes. For a line-averse guest like me, that's awesome. As an omen for the future of the leisure industry, however, that's very grim indeed. Elitch's has been bought and sold several times over the years, including by the Six Flags franchise, which sold the park in 2006 and filed for bankruptcy in 2009. The apathetic thresher of capitalism hasn't been kind to Lakeside, either, and though I don't plan on visiting anytime soon, I'd be sad if it closed down. It's been around for more than a hundred years, and anything that's endured that long is worth preserving.

It's all too possible that the generations that follow ours will view amusement parks as strange relics of a more decadent era, when people still had the time and money for that sort of frivolity. Indeed, photo galleries documenting the eerie stillness of abandoned promenades, non-functioning Ferris wheels and roller-coaster carts frozen in their tracks already abound on the Internet. Denver is lucky to still have two operating amusement parks to choose from. For spastic kids, thrill-seeking day drinkers and tourists alike, Elitch Gardens is the better choice.

Elitch Gardens is open from May until October. Check out its website (which also functions better than Lakeside's) for more information.

Follow Byron Graham on twitter @ByronFG for more mildly amusing sequences of words.


Location Info

Map

Elitch Gardens

2000 Elitch Circle, Denver, CO

Category: General


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95 comments
John Paul Rojas
John Paul Rojas

Umm elitches caught a pedophile at the water park a few years ago. I'm guessing every park in America has them. As for Elitches. Long lines, expensive junk food, crappy location and scenery. Lakeside. Nostalgia, old time rides, short lines, cheap junk food, better scenery, a lake, a train ride, no yuppies. Elitches should have stayed in the hood or moved outside of the city so they could really expand and give us a place like cedar point. Pretty soon elitches will have to give into the downtown real estate boom and will be forced to shut down or relocate.

Sarah LeighAnna Smith-Gonzalez
Sarah LeighAnna Smith-Gonzalez

Its prolly haunted from all the people who died from the rides and food poisoning. Dont forget about that pedophile who worked there and kidnapped the kids and raped and killed them ON THE PROPERTY and for some reason you can't find that in the history of lakeside anymore. Yeah what a family place.

Michael Bruning
Michael Bruning

Just go to water world top five water park in the U.S , and thats a rank they get not from me but the people who do that shit for a living .....

Aj Jensen
Aj Jensen

But.... It's not a roller coaster until you legitimately fear for your life on a Lakeside ride that hasn't passed inspection for ten years. I think, spruced up slightly, Lakeside could be the best amusement park in Colorado, even if it's just for the amazing scenery that happens when you round the tallest part of the coasters. There's charm at Lakeside you can't find anywhere else.

Andrew Gleich
Andrew Gleich

lol you just posted the same article but about Lakeside. Fuck off.

Sherri Pemberton
Sherri Pemberton

Yes, but you don't need to mortgage your home to go to Lakeside.

shakeandbakeemo
shakeandbakeemo

I'm confused, didn't Westword post an article a couple days back about why Lakeside was better than Elitches?

Cory Thomas
Cory Thomas

westword is like seriously retarded...

Lisa Bryant
Lisa Bryant

Lakewood? I think you mean Lakeside Amusement Park. Which I happen to like.

Brian Atkins
Brian Atkins

I wish six flags still owned the amusement park. It will be a hell of a lot better than the elitches of today.

Damon Dixon
Damon Dixon

I prefer Lakeside. It has character and is haunted.

Dee Bee
Dee Bee

The amusement "parks" in CO blow chunks, but there is plenty of awesome stuff to do here. Why would anyone want to stand around in a hot parking lot when there is so much awesome outdoors stuff to do here.

Jim Cronin
Jim Cronin

Lakewood true, but Commerce City, now that's an amusement park. I mean trailer park...

Bryan Moberg
Bryan Moberg

just going to repost this every single day westword?

Sara Keller-Moncada
Sara Keller-Moncada

Totally run by slumlords. Visited by people of Walmart. Spend your money on a million better things in Colorado!

Bree Davis
Bree Davis

Lakewood? Maybe, post pre cocktails.

Stephanie Marie
Stephanie Marie

It's sad it's even up for debate. They both suck. Lakeside is just way more sucky.

Justin Baca James
Justin Baca James

First you put Elitches. Then just today you posted that Lakeside was best. Now back to Elitches? I hope you know that doesn't make you seem all that smart.

Jesse Tafoya
Jesse Tafoya

Some hard hitting & controversial journalism done by the Westword here.

nwerle
nwerle

he would rather not have grandparents along to see kids having fun

Randall Erkelens
Randall Erkelens

I'd bet most people are dogging on Elitch because it's big, corporate owned or not the Lakeside underdog. The truth is that each fills a different nitch in our marketplace. Each has its pros and cons, history and a future in the metro area. I don't mind it on the skyline. It makes our city seem fun to drive past a roller coaster on 25. Especially one that isn't shut down or decaying. Embrace it for the good, bad and the ugly. It seems to be here for the long term and hence, part of the fabric of Denver.

Randall Erkelens
Randall Erkelens

I just wished a few of the cars dropping off kids for the water park would include a bar of soap.

Brad Holden
Brad Holden

Wow tough news week, that is like comparing Ski Cooper to Copper Mountain.

bill-e-goat
bill-e-goat

It's a real shame that the author, Byron Graham, is clearly retarded.

Stephen Barbieri
Stephen Barbieri

It's the only park besides lakeside. That's mot saying much

Dale Sawin
Dale Sawin

Lakeside rules. Hell yes it does! Trees and gardens and mod art and neon and history and worn paint and cheap prices all shaken up with a chance of death on the rides ......or the bathrooms. Whats not to love.......Until friggin Elitchs (SIX Flags).gets a lake or a train or a wild chipmunk..then there is no comparison.

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