In Death, We Have to Learn How to Grieve for Others Who Are Grieving

Categories: Breeality Bites

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Mr.TinDC /Flickr
What do we do when we need to grieve for others when they experience loss? It feels like a never-ending process, sitting outside of a person you love and watching them walk through their bereavement, trying to comfort them but knowing there isn't much you can say or do to change or uplift the situation.

Last week, my boyfriend lost one of his best friends seemingly at random, a health-related situation that took this person's life out of nowhere at a relatively young age. As I watched him deal with the unexpected loss I tried to do what I could to comfort him, but it felt and still feels pointless. As a person who prides herself on being a caregiver to my partner, what could I do when I couldn't do the one thing he really wanted, which was bring this person back to the world?

See also: Remaining humble in the face of tragedy and the weird, emotional world of the Internet

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27 Things Denverites Really Want Out-of-Towners to Know About the Mile High City

Categories: Breeality Bites

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Denver Arts and Venues.
Get to know Denver through our many city murals, like Emmanuel Martinez's "Confluent People," painted in 1999.
There's a bizarre alternate reality on the Internet when it comes to Denver -- there's the city we know and the city being sold to out-of-towners through fake blogs on real estate websites, like this list: "27 Things People From Denver Have to Explain to Out-Of-Towners." The problem with these listicles and factoid sheets full of cheeky and supposedly helpful information about our city is that they are painfully incorrect. So in order to provide a more accurate depiction of our Queen City of the Plains, I surveyed my Facebook friends -- I think roughly 80 percent of my 1,325 Internet friends have a Denver connection, so they made up an adequate spread of opinions -- and came up with 27 things you really should know about the Mile High City.

See also: A Love Letter to Denver, the City I Used to Know

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With All Dude Respect: Why Men Should Teach Themselves About Feminism

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Don't be an Al Bundy.
Last Saturday night as I was winding down and getting ready for bed at a cool 9:45 p.m., I received a frantic phone call. Maybe I just assumed it was frantic; at 34, I suspect any call after 9 p.m. is someone in need, not someone asking me if I want to go out. But the phone call was neither; it was one of my dude friends and he had a question. About feminism.

He didn't explicitly express that it was regarding feminism, but the essence of the whole conversation was about that. He called me because wanted to know if the catcall he had come up with was "appropriate." To answer the question quickly, I said that ultimately no, whatever the contents of the catcall, unless he was already in a consensual relationship with the woman in question, there was no appropriate catcall.

See also: Have you hugged your male feminist today?

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Whatever Your Preferred Social Network, It's a Choose-Your-Own Personality World

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Youtube.com
Oh, how I miss scene queens, and the weird social networking world of the Myspace of yore.
If I could pick only one social network to be a part of, it would be Myspace. Not Myspace now, the revamped site for "entertainment" types with its trying-too-hard layout and useless content. No, I'm talking about the Myspace circa 2006, when it was a place where I could find out about my friend's band's shows, stalk current and ex-boyfriends and their current and ex-girlfriends and, of course, post my vague, immature bulletins (this was before we were all acquainted with the concept of the newsfeed) in the hopes that the right pair of eyes would see my stabby words. Oh, and let's not forget the site's blogs, the feature of Myspace I used to become F-List celebrity famous for writing horrible things about people.

Any time a new social network appears or a change is made to an existing one, I immediately start daydreaming about old Myspace again. When Ello appeared on everyone's radar last week, I began my mental trip back in Internet time. Though I don't think Ello will be exactly the replacement I'm looking for, its very existence brings up a great couple of questions: What and who are we presenting on each social network and why are we there in the first place?

See also: Jeffree Star dishes on celebrities, tattoos and perfection

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Learning to Have Patience -- and Sopapillas -- Outside of Our 24-Hour Accessible World

Categories: Breeality Bites

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Catching a sunset in Ojo Caliente, New Mexico, while being pleasantly forced to wait for sopapillas.
I've been living in a 24-hour accessible world for the majority of my life. Even when Denver felt much smaller and small town-ish back in the '90s ( though it wasn't, really) I remember being able to go the grocery store at any hour, get gas at any hour and do a lot of other things in the middle of the night, like make copies of a zine at 2 a.m. at Kinko's in Cherry Creek or do my laundry at Smiley's. But along with this all-access pass to everything comes a lack of patience.

I spent this past weekend traveling the Southwest, taking scenic U.S. Route 285 for the majority of our trip from Denver to Albuquerque and back. Making stops at small towns along the way, I realized that the beauty of a place known as "The Land of Enchantment" comes with closing times and a lot more patience than the 24-hour world requires. Something we all could probably use a lot more of.

See also: Holyoke Mall, a time-machine back to the malls of yesteryear

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Why the Highland Vs. Northside Debate Is All About Gentrification

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Westword.com
Longo's Subway Tavern, a former northside staple.
Back in August, I wrote a love letter to Denver, the city I used to know. Though my intention was to remember the good things about my city that are gone now, it was also, perhaps, a thinly veiled criticism of the way progress is going in Denver. Recently, there was a "blog" (I say that in quotation marks because the person who runs the site identifies as a real-estate agent on Twitter) floating around Facebook about the debate over whether the north section of our city is called Highland or Northside. While this enraged me and many other natives for a lot of reasons, the biggest issue raised in the online conversation was this: The name game in Denver isn't about our written history. It's about gentrification.

See also: A Love Letter to Denver, the City I'm Getting to Know


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From Joan Rivers to Lauren Bacall, Feminists Aren't Always Labeled

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Joan Rivers with Miss Piggy, another unofficial feminist.
Feminism, like most radical ideas, doesn't have to be labeled in order to be effective. In 2014, the debate over who is a feminist and if what they do is feminist in nature is the topic for discussion. Which pop stars consider themselves feminists and which ones run as fast as they can away from the term (Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus are in the the former category, while Katy Perry is in the latter) is the random red carpet query of the decade. Then there's Beyonce, light years ahead of any pop star to be considered her equal, and she still gets questioned over whether or not she should be standing in front of a one-hundred foot LED screen that reads "feminist." (The answer: Beyonce can actually do whatever in the hell she wants.)

No longer is feminism banished to its little corner for conversation and discussion; now, feminist voices are finding their way to the virtual pages, vying for readers alongside sports and political coverage. But before feminism was treated as the latest trend, there were trailblazers doing it justice, even if popular culture wasn't embracing the ideals. And alongside those big voices labeled "feminist," there were and always have been the other women -- the ones who don't come out and say "I'm a feminist," but rather just choose to live their lives that way.

See also: How not to talk to a woman at a music festival (or anywhere else)

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Retail and the Lost Art of Customer Service

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Beware: beneath these clothing racks, a sales person is lurking.
This past weekend, I decided to take a trip back to my old stamping grounds, the Cherry Creek Shopping Center. Working there off and on from 1996 to 2013, I spent a lot of time wandering the building's hallowed shopping-mall halls (when you work retail, you do a lot of on-the-clock ambling and hiding behind racks of clothes to avoid authority figures). After quitting my job at Shirt Folding Store, I had only been back to the mall a handful of times, but I recently fell into some money and needed to stock up on my freelance writer essentials of stretch pants, Uggs and a new laptop case.

Upon entering the first store of my mall return, I set off what would be the beginning of many retail greeting booby traps. If you've shopped in a big-box store or mall-only chain store in the last ten years, then you should be familiar with this phenomenon, too: Once you cross the threshold into a retail outlet, someone hidden deep on the sales floor shouts "HEY, GUYS!" at the top of his or her lungs. You try to spot the source of the scream, but are tricked by well-dressed mannequins and racks of shiny things. They scream again. "GUYS, be sure to check out our awesome T-shirt promo going on alllllll weekend!" This is the state of customer service in retail in 2014.

See also: Is that condescension in my voice, or am I just happy to see you?

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Ferguson, ISIS and the Ice Bucket Challenge: What Happens When We Choose Our News

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Depending on how you curate your news, you may or may not have seen a version of this image hundreds of times.
The other day, while talking with a friend, I referenced how some media outlets had botched coverage of Ferguson, half expecting said friend to agree with me. Instead, he asked me what Ferguson was.

I'm used to this kind of interaction: most people I know don't spend all day on the Internet reading every newspaper and blog's version of the same story, whether it be about politics, sports, music, pop culture, activism or some combination there of. But to not be aware of one of the most important civil rights dramas to take place in the United States in the past couple of decades (and something that is being reported on daily, more than two weeks after Michael Brown was murdered,) seemed embarrassingly ignorant to me. How could you not know about the news in your own country affecting your own country?

Because we choose what we see. We curate our own newsfeed and control our own current events awareness, and it is to our detriment.

See also: On the Death of Robin Williams and Why Sadness and Depression Are Not the Same

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Law & Order & Jesus: A Perfectionist's Letter of Thanks to a Catholic Education

Categories: Breeality Bites

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Hello, old friend.
I didn't grow up in a Catholic household -- my mother is not religious and my father denounced his own status as a Catholic before I was born. But I was baptized Catholic, then confirmed Catholic as a teenager and for nine years, I attended Catholic school. How this all came to be exactly, I'm not sure, other than the fact that my grandparents were extremely Catholic and that must have been how I ended up this way. This Catholicism has stayed with me through adulthood, though I no longer attend church and vehemently disagree with most of the church's stances on LGBTQIA people's general existence and how women should conduct their lives (and various other social issues, though Pope Francis has been making some notable strides).

But I do find myself enjoying moments of being part of "Catholics club," which consists of me and two other friends who sometimes find humor in things you only know about if you went to Catholic school. This past weekend, I attended a very casual alumni picnic at my alma mater, Christ the King. Setting foot on the campus for the first time in twenty years, I started to think a lot about how the first half of my education shaped the person I am today. The person who is a controlling, manic and unbridled perfectionist.

See also: Remembering All-V's All Variety and the Small-Town Feel of a Strip Mall in the Big City

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