Fifty Shades of Grey CD? Here are five better tunes for kinky inspiration

Oh, goody! More Fifty Shades stuff!
Ever since E.L. James' first rectal-extraction, the book Fifty Shades of Grey, hit the market like a drunken Rip Torn ramming his car into a tractor-trailer, the merchandise spin-off has been explosive -- or catastrophic, depending on your point of view. Stockings, garters, underwear, pajamas, robes, kitchen and bath d├ęcor: all offshoots of the book's mild BDSM themes.

And now a collection of fifteen classical music pieces that the author swears she was "inspired by" while she wrote the Fifty Shades trilogy will hit stores tomorrow, September 11.

See also:
- I was a human dessert tray and it was BDSM-delicious

- Fifty Shades of Grey means business for Fascinations chain
- Kink of the Jungle: A Field Guide to Denver's wild side

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Hello Kitty comes to the 16th Street Mall at Lollipop Gift (photos)

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J. Wohletz
Do you know why Hello Kitty has no mouth? Because she speaks from the heart...

She also has a hypnotic, straight-up obsessive effect on American consumers that hasn't seemed to flag since her debut in the States in 1976. This ubiquitous, mouthless Sanrio-creation has become a veritable fetish for women, girls -- and more than a few men. For example, Troy Moore and Kenneth Chan really, really love Hello Kitty, and they've taken their happy, pink bow-adorned fee-fees and parlayed them into Lollipop Gift, a modestly-sized, exclusive Hello Kitty store located in the first floor of the Denver Pavilions, next door to Claire's.

"Even one-year-old toddlers recognize Hello Kitty," says Moore.

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Our Commercial Culture: Audi Ups The Ante

That is one massive pile of drugs, man. Oh, wait...
Most commercials you'll be subjected to on any given day will probably bore you, or maybe make you chuckle a smidge. Very few make the effort, or have the ability, to grab you the way this new spot from Audi does. More fine art than advert, this is a commercial you'd be glad to be forced to watch.

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Our commercial culture: Google Chrome is the new reality

Daddy sent my hug goodnight to my Blackberry
Advertising is like a cultural mirror, which shapes the way we think of ourselves and others. But are our commercials reflections of us or are we reflections of our commercials? This question of advertising's power to shape our culture comes to mind when watching this new spot for Google Chrome, wherein a child's entire collection of socially "meaningful" experiences are captured and saved online with corresponding letters to be shared with the child at a later date. We can't help but wonder what unknown emotional trauma this will inevitably induce.

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Our Commercial Culture: Dodge gets trans-historical

This ain't your baroness's Dodge Charger
What do violin music, blacksmiths, preserving a family name and claims of undying love all have in common? They're all things of the past; all things culture has decided we can happily live without. But the Dodge Charger is a thing outside of time; a constant beacon of badass in a world that all too often loses touch with its roots. The Charger is our rock as we drift aimlessly into an unknown future.

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Our Commercial Culture: Big Rock Gets Nutragious

Aw, nuts!
Who doesn't love puns? Here's a commercial that banks on the obvious answer to that question: Nobody doesn't love puns. Everyone loves puns. If you disagree, then you simply haven't found the right pun yet. It will come to you, don't worry. Perhaps that perfect pun is just around the corner.

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Our Commercial Culture: New York Snacks Will Straight Up Murder Your Ass

Don't be fooled by their delicious appearance.
These aren't your normal healthy snacks from the countryside that make you feel loved and appreciated just by eating 'em. No, these NYC snacks don't fuck around, so don't give 'em any trouble, you hear? Unless you want to end up like Mr. Hotdog, floating in the Hudson, half-eaten by seagulls. Twisting the public's assumptions and flipping cultural references on their heads is all well and good, but this new spot for the Tribeca Film Festival in New York City makes us wonder if they took the ol' people-from-new-york-are-jerks joke a little too far.

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Our Commercial Culture: South African Candy

Lunch bar gonn' die!
Thanks to the internetz, we have spied for you today a little slice of South Africa via a commercial for a snack we've never heard of, from a company we've all heard of. It's more than a little aggravating to discover that other countries get different, and possibly more-than-likely better, candy options than we do from the same companies that cram sugar down our gullets 24/7 and act like they're god's gift to America. All because the market research didn't pan out for us poor saps in the States, because some jerk-off who got paid for his idiot opinion said he wouldn't buy a snack that was jam-packed with every delicious thing imaginable. (We're not bitter.)

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Our Commercial Culture: Mentos Mystic

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Mind Over Snake
Commercials rarely encourage humans to be the best we can be, to rise to new heights of consciousness and to meld mind, body and soul. Well, Mentos has done just that, with their inspirational guru Dragee giving us all someone to look up to. So what if he dies trying to hug poisonous snakes? At least he tried, and that's more than many of us can hope to ever say.

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Our Commercial Culture: Outcasts Unite

Guided by ducks
What kind of idiot eats a sandwich while standing over an open casket? A very special kind, and you just gotta love him. This advert for a good cause requires just as much creativity as advertising for a bad cause. Maybe even more. It takes the ability to pull at the heart strings of the populace with tact and finesse -- or, in this case, the ability to knock at the funny bone of the populace with endearing awkwardness.

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